The Italian and the Frog
by Nezumi's Cheese
Summary: One day, Prince Lovino meets a Spanish talking frog named Antonio in the forest and is immediately repulsed. Unfortunately, said happy frog has no intention of leaving him alone. Vaguely based off the fairytale, "The Frog Prince." AU. Spamano.
1. Chapter 1

Well…I don't see another story like this so hey, I'll take a shot at it. The first chapter will mostly center on the Italies and maybe a little bit of Spain at the bottom.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

/

Once upon a time, there was a king named Romulus Vargas who ruled over the Kingdom of Italia. He was a brilliant war general when forced to become serious but almost all of the time, he was stupid. He became an object of paradox for philosophers to study and analyze for decades. Romulus had two grandsons, Lovino and Feliciano. Lovino was seventeen while Feliciano was fifteen. The boys' parents unfortunately died early in a war which left Lovino as Romulus's expected successor.

Nevertheless, Romulus was totally biased and ended up favoring Lovino's younger brother for the throne. Prince Feliciano was an airhead, easily gullible and frightened. However, despite his airheaded-ness, the boy was sweet and he had a knack for painting and making pasta that could give anyone an orgasm. Delighted at Feliciano's natural Italian heritage and talent, Romulus announced Feliciano as his heir which, of course, enraged the older brother.

After much persistent and annoying opposition from Lovino, Romulus settled for a compromise of dividing his kingdom into two parts. The northern part for his sweet little Feliciano while the southern part for his more…temperamental and bitchy grandson.

After bestowing the part with Venice, Milan, and crap to Feliciano while giving Lovino that region of Naples and Sicily on the other side, Romulus suddenly declared that he wanted to explore the world to sleep with different types of "exotic women."

So, yeah, Romulus just packed up and went on a really, really, really long trip for a quest for "true love." These were Feliciano's and Lovino's responses:

"Vee….have fun, Grandpa~!"

"Good riddance to you, you old bastard."

For the next five years, the two princes were left to manage their own respective parts of Italy. As Feliciano was not the least interested in politics or ruling, the king of the neighboring country, Austria, became his guardian and regent and was forced to supervise Italy when Feliciano couldn't. Which was pretty much almost all the time.

Lovino managed his own country quite well. His naturally bitchy attitude may not make him the nicest person in the world but it did prompt his people to follow his orders to get him to shut the hell up. This method only worked for five years. Where did these Italians get their patience for their prince? No one will ever know. However, by this time, the Italians were sort of annoyed with their prince and demanded someone to take over. At the urging of Feliciano who could not stand the fact of his older brother being overthrown, King of Austria arranged Lovino to meet up with the happy king of Spain in two months in order to somehow soothe his fiery and unbearable personality.

Lovino, the now unhappy prince of Southern Italy, was dead pissed.

Roderich, the ever so aggravated king of Austria, didn't give a fuck.

It did not help that Feliciano suddenly became engaged to some German prince named Ludwig about a month after Roderich's decision.

Lovino was met with the most unpleasant surprise when he found his brother and his damn fiancé in front of his door. "Hi, fratello! Meet Ludwig! Thought maybe you guys could really get to know each other! After all, you are going to be brother-in-laws~!"

Upon hearing those words, Lovino immediately smashed a tomato in Ludwig's fugly face and told Feliciano to "get this potato manwhorish bastard off his property," earning some distressed cries from said brother and a disturbed look from his fiancé.

"What the fuck are you looking at, potato bastard?"

After much coaxing, which included Feliciano crying hysterically for two hours in front of Lovino's door, the Southern Italian prince reluctantly let the "potato manwhorish bastard" and his "idiotic-as-fuck brother" stay in his castle for a couple of weeks. Nevertheless, while Feliciano was more than satisfied, Ludwig quickly found out that his honey's brother's personal mission was his desolation. Joy.

During these days, Lovino would usually yell some insults at his brother and Ludwig then run out of the castle, claiming that he was suffering from the "horrible potato odor that was clogging his home." He ran away quite frequently into the forest. Ludwig figured that this was just another effect of his unfortunately future brother-in-law's PMS.

He was partially right. Actually, Lovino ran into the forest to escape his brother and Ludwig. He couldn't stand the fact that Feliciano was able to find love before him. Lovino knew that everyone loved Feliciano dearly but why couldn't it be the same for him? For years, Lovino was envious of his younger brother's talent and natural people magnet abilities. He was reminded of his inferiority to Feliciano every time he saw his brother. The forest was the only place where he could cry and complain out his sorrows in peace.

Everyday, he would run to the lake hidden in the forest and cry his little heart out. The only thing that comforted him was the tomato ball toy his mother gave to him at birth, the only keepsake he had of her and proof that he was loved once. It was a delightful toy that was easily bounced or thrown.

One day, Lovino was wailing out his complaints to the world, letting his tears fall freely from his eyes. He cried hysterically and clutched the small tomato ball in his hands. He was so busy crying that he did not see a small frog emerge from the lake and hop on a nearby lily pad.

"¿Ah, amigo, que pasó? Llora mucho." asked the frog.

Lovino let out a surprised yell and dropped his precious childhood toy. The toy rolled on the ground and into the lake. Lovino screamed in panic as he rushed to the edge of the lake and peered into the murky waters. His worst fear was confirmed when he could not see a thing. Oh god…his last memory of his mother…gone in some filthy body of water…and who was to blame for all of this?

He turned sharply to the frog that sat innocently on the lily pad. Lovino pointed an accusing finger. "YOU! You stupid Spanish frog! Look what you made me do!"

The frog appeared a bit taken back before regaining his composure and smiling once more. "Aww! You look just like a tomato! Your face is all red and puffed up!"

Lovino froze for a moment at the frog's odd outburst before twitching his eye. "…you stupid animal."

"Ah, lo siento. I really like tomatoes so I thought that you looked just like one and…"

"No, you idiotic fucktard! My fucking ball! You made me DROP IT!" Lovino snapped.

"Oh, that was a very pretty ball you had there. I sincerely apologize for making you drop that." The frog commented forlornly.

"Well, if you're so sorry, can't you go get it or something?" Lovino answered harshly.

"But…But the lake is so deep and dark at the bottom. It's not a nice place to be in!"

"Well, fuck you. You're the one who made me drop it in the first place so now, go pick it up!"

The green frog frowned mournfully. "I suppose since you're so cute that I can try to get it but I give no guarantee. This lake is quite deep."

"GET IT, YOU STUPID TOAD!"

The frog sighed. "Dear tomato, I'm no toad. I am a magical frog. A frog named Antonio Fernandez-"

"I don't give a crap. Get my ball, you idiot!"

Antonio pouted and sighed. "…Very well, may I, at least, know your name, fair tomato?"

The Italian faltered for a moment before grumbling. "…Lovino."

"Oh, you must be the prince of this part in Italy! I-"

"I thought the royal clothing I was wearing gave that away."

"Hmm…you have a point there. I'll call you 'Lovi.' Anyway, if you want me to venture into the dark depths of this lake, you must promise me something. You must let me stay at your home for one night. You must share a tomato with me at dinner, give me another tomato before bed, and let me sleep in the same bed as you. After all that, you must give me a kiss!" Antonio said cheekily, ignoring Lovino's deadpanned-turned-disgusted expression.

"What the hell? You sound almost like that perverted king of France. No wonder you're a frog." Lovino grumbled, twitching his eye.

"Oh! You know Francis too? He's one of my best friends!"

"Wha-Well, that explains a lot."

"Aha! What a small world we live in! So, do you agree to my request?"

Repulsed, Lovino opened his mouth to let out a snarky response but stopped himself. This frog…this Antonio was crazy. There was no way a frog could actually survive so long from the water. Most likely, if Antonio came back with him to the castle, he would surely shrivel up and die, making the promise meaningless. The Italian prince grinned and shrugged his shoulders. "Sure, I promise. Whatever."

Antonio beamed happily and dived into the lake. Five minutes later, he reappeared and held the shiny tomato ball in his sticky fingers. He swam to the shore of the lake. He held the toy up to the Italian who immediately snatched it from his hands and ran away.

"¡Lovi! ¡Espera! Wait! Wait for me!" Antonio cried out but Lovino merely ignored him and ran as fast as he can, away from the lake and the freaky frog.

By the time Lovino got back to his castle, he forgot all about Antonio. Not that he cared much anyway.

But something happened at dinner.

Lovino was eating a bowl of tomatoes when his brother waltzed in with a _very _familiar looking animal in his arms. His blood ran cold.

"Vee~! Fratello, look what I found! It's a talking frog! He was asking to be let in so I did~! He reminded me of Big Brother Francis! Look at him, a frog!"

"Lovi corre tanto rápido. ¿Olvidaste tu promesa? Our promise, remember?" The frog in Feliciano's arms asked mournfully.

Oh. Fuck.

/

Well, there you go. Continue or not?

By the way, do you want USUK or FrUK? Quite frankly, I can make the story work either way though I'm kinda leaning towards FrUK, I'm fine with both.


	2. Chapter 2

You guys are made of awesome sauce.

I like awesome sauce. Therefore, I like you.

11 reviews for the first chapter, hell yeah! And I freaking love you all for it!

I'm in a pretty good mood today.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

/

Lovino's hand trembled and released the tomato limply from his hand, the tomato dropping and rolling on the table. The Italian prince merely stared at the all too familiar slimy animal in his little brother's arms. Said animal merely stared back with betrayed emerald eyes.

The sickening feeling at the pit of Lovino's stomach quickly reminded the prince why he hated frogs.

One: Because Francis loves them and something Francis likes is something to steer clear away from. Like his hot French maids. Considering how often Francis sleeps around, it would be a safe guess to say that his hot maids are just as diseased with STDs as him so don't sleep with them…Despite the fact that their cup sizes are so-

Moving on.

Two: Frogs are disgusting just as Francis. It's a natural fact of life. Duh.

Three: Frogs were idiots because Francis likes them. Therefore, frogs are bad. Antonio proved this fact one of too many times.

Hmph. In the end, it all leads back to Francis.

Despite the illogical and highly irrelevant chain of reasoning that can only be understood by the person who made said chain of reasoning himself, Lovino harbored a vicious prejudice against frogs. Which is why the prince stood up from his chair and walked to Feliciano to slap him across the face.

"What the hell is wrong with you, idiot? You know better than to bring stupid animals in my house!"

"Fratello, he's not stupid! He's very smart! He can speak-"

"Yeah, yeah, Spanish. Whoop-dee-fucking-do. Get rid of him."

"Vee, but fratello-"

"Lovi, su promesa!"

"Shut the hell up, Antonio!"

"Vee, fratello, you know the frog?"

"Sí. Conocimos en el bosque. I rescued his tomato ball and he promised me that he would let me stay here for the night."

"Brother, is this true?"

"Who cares if it's true? This stupid frog needs to get out!"

"But you _promised _'Tonio, brother!"

"Shut the hell up, Feli."

Lovino immediately regretted his words when he saw his little brother's eyes watering.

"Oh for god's sake, don't cry, Feli!"

The two brothers continued to bicker amongst themselves that they did not notice Ludwig stepping into the dining hall.

The German prince stopped at the doorway at the sight of his fiancé and his future brother-in-law arguing. Then, he saw the frog in Feliciano's arms and realized that they were fighting over the animal. The German opened his mouth once and closed it before opening it again and closing it. His first instinct was to turn around and hopefully avoid being tangled up into something that would undoubtedly lead him into a lot of trouble or something illegal.

However, he would be a suck ass fiancé if he did that.

So, naturally, Ludwig reluctantly spoke up, knowing most likely he will regret his actions three point seven seconds later. "What is going on here?"

The two brothers turned their heads towards him simultaneously. Ludwig immediately braced himself when his darling threw himself in his arms.

"Luddy, Lovino did a bad thing!" Feliciano sobbed. Ludwig looked down to see the Italian crying against his chest and a frog squished between their bodies. He gently pushed Feliciano away slightly to reach for the frog and held it in his hands.

"Why are you arguing over a frog, Feliciano?" Ludwig asked, peering at the frog in curiosity.

Feliciano wiped his tears with one hand and clutched Ludwig's shirt sleeve with the other. "Vee…because the frog is Lovino's friend but Lovino's so mean that he doesn't want to let the frog stay here for the night. Lovino promised that he would let him stay for the night!"

"You idiot, he's not my friend!" Lovino spat out, clenching a tomato in his fist. Tomato juice began to run down his knuckles. "Potato bastard, get your hands off my brother!"

"Lovi, what an awful thing to say…" Antonio cried out from Ludwig's palm.

The German prince widened his eyes slightly in surprise upon hearing the frog speak. Somehow, the-clearly-Spanish voice sounded awfully familiar….Where had he heard that voice before?

"Vee, fratello, you need to keep your promises!" Feliciano cried out. "Grandpa taught us that you must always keep your promises!"

"Who gives a rat's ass about promises? Hell, he abandoned our grandmother to fuck with some potato bastard!" Lovino scowled and pointed at Ludwig with an accusing finger. "Bet your potato bastard is related to that potato bastard in some way!"

"But Lovi, still, you need to keep your promise and let 'Tonio stay!"

"God no!"

"Loviiii!"

As the two brothers began to argue amongst themselves once more, Ludwig sighed and resisted the urge to massage his temples in aggravation. He stared at the Spanish frog who merely gazed back. This argument will not end without a mediator. So, he decided to solve things in the most civil way he can before Lovino starts using violence by throwing tomatoes. He cleared his throat and addressed the frog.

"What is your name?"

"Antonio, amigo. You might remember me from a world conference. I was one of the representatives at the European world conference from last year." Antonio answered in a soft voice.

"How did you turn into…anyway, what is this 'promise' that these two are fighting about?" Ludwig felt that it was best to resolve the current issue right now and worry about Antonio's predicament later.

Antonio sighed. "I rescued a ball toy of Lovi's from a deep lake and he promised me that he would let me stay for the night in this castle. Although…I guess that Lovi doesn't want to keep his promise."

Ludwig contemplated over the frog's words first. The first thought that came to mind was, _Why in the world would you want to stay in a hellhole with a temperamental Italian bitch who yells at you every two minutes or so? _But he ignored that. Instead, he knew that if he was to break up this argument, he would have to take Feliciano's side to stop him from crying. Plus, it would not do any justice to ignore Antonio's interesting request that Lovino supposedly promised.

"Feliciano, Lovino?" he called out.

"Luddy!"

"Don't interrupt us, potato-"

"Lovino, did you make a promise to this frog?"

"Don't interrupt me, you godforsaken-"

"Yeah he did, Luddy!"

"Feliciano!" Lovino shouted at him in a warning manner.

"Lovino, you have no choice. As a prince, you must set a worthy example for your people. If you renegade on this simple promise, your reputation would go down even further and you WILL be overthrown for sure. Your people are not happy, Lovino. I hope you realize that." Ludwig tried to reason, noting how pale the Italian prince's face has gotten as he heard his words.

"W-well, it's not-not like anyone will hear about this…right?" Lovino spluttered out, his face quickly reddening.

"You do realize Feliciano has a bigger mouth than anyone, right?" Ludwig raised a pensive eyebrow and gestured to the fiancé hanging off his arm.

"Vee, it's true! You know last night, I was able to take in all of Ludwig's d-" Feliciano was instantly cut off with a hand covering his mouth.

Luckily, Lovino was in much thought over his throne predicament to let that comment slide.

"…So you see my point?" Ludwig asked, flushing slightly in embarrassment. "Feliciano might let it slip to the servants who will spread the story around in your kingdom."

The Southern Italian prince bit his lip in frustration for a moment. "…G-godammit. Fine."

"Yay! 'Tonio gets to stay with us!" Feliciano chirped cheerfully, earning a scowl from his older brother.

"Gracias, Ludwig." With that, Antonio jumped from Ludwig's hands and onto the ground before hopping on the chair where Lovino was sitting on before.

"Let's all eat together, fratello~!" Feliciano crowed before running into the royal kitchen. "I'll make pasta!"

Ludwig followed Feliciano to make sure he did not make a mess while doing so.

"Fuck you." Lovino replied back in an angry manner and turned to Antonio who sat innocently on his seat. "And you, get the fuck off!"

"Such language, dear Lovi. I remember that you promise to share a tomato with me?"

"Don't call me that! Just get off, you stupid…."Lovino bit his lip in trying to finding a name besides from frog. Hmm…he did remember that Antonio really liked tomatoes. "You tomato bastard!"

Antonio widened his eyes for a moment before bursting out laughing. "Your nickname for me is based on tomatoes! Lovi, you are truly adorable!"

"S-Shut the hell up before I change it, tomato bastard!" Lovino stuttered out, blushing in embarrassment.

"Waaah….you look exactly like a tomato! So red and chubby!"

"N-no, I don't!"

"Your cheeks are all puffed up and red! So cute-"

"SHUT UP!" With that, Lovino grabbed a tomato from the bowl on the table and threw it angrily at the Spanish frog.

Antonio blinked in surprise as he was suddenly doused with squished tomato remains. Curiously, he let his long sticky tongue dart out to taste some of the remains before smiling stupidly. "Ah, I haven't had a tomato in days! Thank you for sharing with me!"

Seeing how the frog was not the least offended, Lovino sniffled and pouted before stomping his foot angrily. "Well, you can just go to he-"

"VEE~! I HAVE THE PASTA!" Feliciano waltzed happily in the room with a big plate of pasta. Ludwig followed him closely behind.

A moment of silence passed.

Lovino screamed and pointed at his brother and his fiancé with an accusing finger as if they were the cause of all his misery. Which they were. Indirectly. "Well, FUCK THE PASTA!" He then promptly ran away to his room.

Feliciano gasped at his words. "Luddy…he KNOWS!"

Ludwig facepalmed himself.

0.o.0.o.0.

By the time that Lovino prepared himself to bed, he was extremely tired and drained. He felt like his brain had totally fry to the other side.

For one, Antonio tried to befriend him with the most stupid of jokes.

"_Lovi, want to hear a joke?"_

"_No."_

"_Okay! So, why the chicken cross the road?"_

"_To rip your fucking face off."_

"_Noo….to get to the other side! Ahahaha!"_

"…_Tomato bastard?"_

"_Si, mi Lovinito?"_

"_In the world that I dream of, the next time you question a chicken's motives, it will peck your ugly face off."_

"…"

"…"

"_Oh, Lovi, how can you say that with _such _a face?"_

Then there was that incident where Antonio tried to tell him a bedtime story.

"…_And so the Tomato Box Fairy made all the tomatoes in the world grow again and everyone became happy! The end!"_

"…_Hey, do you know who Arthur of England is?"_

"_Sí, unfortunately, I do…He is such a jerk -"_

"_Because your story sounds just as retarded as any of his."_

"_Loviiiii!"_

Antonio was a stupid tomato bastard. Lovino just prayed that he would last for the next couple of hours before he became insane from the frog's stupidity.

He sat on the bed in a bored manner as Antonio sat on the chair across his bed telling him yet another stupid story that rivaled any of Arthur's stories.

"Ahaha! So…the guy left his fair princess to pursue his lifelong dream! To become a sailor! But he drowned on his first expedition so it was really sad but he was resurrected! Then, he sailed at sea again but drowned again. Luckily, he was resurrected again! So, he sailed at sea for the third time and-"

"Yeah, yeah, I get it. He drowns and gets resurrected again, right?"

"Yes! Lovi, you're so smart!"

"Thanks." Lovino answered back dully.

"Lovi?"

"What?"

"I'm hungry. May I please have a tomato?"

Grumbling, Lovino reached for a tomato from his dresser and threw it at Antonio, praying that it would hit him square in the face.

It didn't.

Antonio caught it gracefully with his sticky fingers and ate his fill happily. "Gracias, Lovi!"

"What the fuck ever." Lovino buried himself in his blankets and turned away from the frog. It was not long before the frog spoke once more.

"Lovi?"

"God, what _now_?"

"Can you move over so I can sleep in your bed?"

Lovino shot up at his request and stuck his middle finger at Antonio. "No, go sleep on that chair."

"But it's all hard and stuff!"

"Too fucking bad!"

"Lovi, please!"

"No! I already endured you for a few hours and I don't think I can stand you for another couple hours!"

"Por favor, mi tomate!"

Lovino buried himself underneath his covers once more and inched away from the frog. In a muffled voice, he shouted out, "Go fuck yourself, tomato bastard!"

Antonio cried out and started to whine in the way that Feliciano does when he does not get what he wants but Lovino was strong. He was the type that would not falter.

No matter how much Antonio was whimpering.

No matter how much Antonio was pleading.

No matter how much Antonio's cries sounded a lot like Feliciano.

No matter how much Antonio- Oh, who was he kidding?

After a long time, Lovino curled up into a ball underneath his covers. "…When you sleep next to me, don't you fucking touch me."

Antonio smiled and hopped into Lovino's bed. "Gracias, Lovi."

And that was that.

0.o.0.o.0.

To his surprise, Antonio found it hard to sleep. He had been awake for hours. He was too busy gazing at the cute Italian to slip into a deep slumber. He could hear Lovino snoring quietly. The frog smiled.

So this was the boy he was supposed to meet in the next month.

Lovino was a very adorable prince and naturally very charming in his own way. Antonio felt he was naturally attracted towards him. However, as a frog, he knew that Lovino would never look at him the same way he does.

He looked at his frog body then looked at Lovino who moved in his sleep and was now sprawled out across the bed. The frog hopped onto Lovino's chest, making the other squirm a bit.

It was now or never.

The frog leaned in and kissed Lovino on the mouth. The second he touched Lovino's lips, his body began to emit a greenish glow. Antonio felt his body change. His limbs became bigger and longer and went from green to tan once more. His torso grew and became tan again. His skin was no longer slimy and squishy but smooth and firm. Antonio winced as he felt his amphibian parts fading away and being replaced with human muscles and appendages. The transformation from a frog and a human felt very weird but he endured. Finally, after a long moment, the change was complete and he collapsed next to Lovino, breathing heavily.

It was not long before he succumbed to sleep out of exhaustion without so much of a sound.

0.o.0.o.0.

It was morning.

Lovino's eyes slowly cracked open, still laced with sleep. Grunting in discomfort, he slowly sat up, rubbing the tiredness from his eyes. He stretched his arms, thinking what he was going to do today.

Oh yeah, there was that frog that he had to throw out today.

Hmm…yeah. He needed to throw Antonio out today.

The Italian prince turned to his right.

Oh, there was a Spanish dude sleeping in his bed.

Lovino shrugged and reached over to his dresser on his left side for a washcloth to rub his face with to make him truly awake. He rubbed his face tiredly and looked to his right again.

Hmm, the Spaniard was still there.

Lovino gazed down wearily to his lap to see a tan arm draped on his waist.

Hmm…

…what?

…wait, _WHAT_?

His hazel eyes immediately widened as he stared at the Spaniard. Who was wearing _nothing_.

The Spaniard had curly brown hair. His face looked extremely peaceful. His lips were slightly parted and Lovino could hear him breathing in and out quietly. His face was extremely relaxed. Lovino's eyes trailed down to his tan chest. His arms were fairly muscular but not so much as Ludwig's. He had a toned stomach which suggested that he was fairly active in his life. His pectorals looked firm and his nipples… Well, it was a body sculpted by the gods.

In all, the mysterious man was extremely good looking and possibly a potential popular Spanish prostitute in high demand.

A very hot prostitute to be exact.

Lovino was very scared to look down at the region under his waist.

So, he kept on staring at the Spaniard's face, wondering if he was still dreaming.

Suddenly, the stranger's eyes slowly opened before focusing on him. Lovino's surprised hazel eyes met with drowsy emerald ones. The stranger blinked once. Then twice.

"…Lovi?" He asked in a Spanish voice.

Now, Lovino did not know what to do when there was a hot and sexy guy in his bed. Part of him wanted to A, jump his bones. Another part of him wanted to B, ask why the hell was there. There was also that part of him who wanted to C, know why his voice sounded _so _much like the frog. Then, there was also, D, quietly get up and get the guards.

However, Lovino did nothing of the sort and chose secret option E. The best one of all.

Scream bloody murder and freak out.

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU? AND WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT? GET OUT OF MY BED, YOU MOTHERFUCKING PERVERT! OH MY FUCKING GOD! HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET HERE? DID YOU RAPE ME IN YOUR SLEEP? WHY ARE YOU HERE? FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THE FUCKING TOMATOES, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY BED BEFORE I KICK YOUR ASS OUT AND REPORT YOU TO THE GUARDS! GUARDS! GUARDS!"

/

Yeah, so there's your second chapter. Though this is where Lovino and Antonio's main story with the whole Frog Prince thing ends, I have something planned for them, regarding as to why Antonio was turned into a frog in the first place and where does he go from there.

Also, I have some other things to ask you. But first, I must thank the following reviewers: _Mocha MintCocoa, .xox. heart, Jenn06807, rainbow world, Unknown Variable, Writer-Girl-19, NoWhereToCallHome, Catsdon'tcry, privateer at heart, InTheAsylum, _and last but not least, my first reviewer, _Lostheartdarkclan._

Anyway, so majority wins with 9 to 2 and this story will have USUK. With USUK, I shall present more options.

With France potentially single now, he is one of the choices for Canada's partners.

Do you want Franada or PruCan?

Please answer with a review.

Also, just out of boredom and random, I'm going to ask you a question per chapter.

**Question**: Pirate!England vs. Dark!Spain. Who would win? Who is sexier?


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you for all your lovely reviews, they were very much appreciated!

For this chapter, you're going to see three new characters: England, France, and…who?

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

/

Upon hearing Lovino's freaked outburst, Antonio widened his eyes in surprise and a bit of fear before letting out a sudden gasp. _Poof! _The Spaniard was suddenly engulfed in pink smoke and in his place, was his former frog form.

The human-turned-frog-again looked at his limbs in disbelief. Didn't he follow the instructions on breaking the spell correctly?

He turned his eyes from himself to the now quivering Italian prince next to him. Lovino looked like he was scared out of his mind.

Antonio raised one of his small arms. "Lovi, I-"

His sentence was cut off by another scream from his beloved.

Lovino's door was slammed open when Feliciano and Ludwig with a sword poised to kill rushed in.

"Vee~ Fratello, w-what's wrong?" Feliciano stuttered out. "D-Did Big Brother Francis invaded your room again?"

Lovino raised a trembling and accusatory finger at Antonio. "H-he…human…naked…poof…frog…oh my god."

The German prince behind Feliciano raised a pensive eyebrow and lowered his sword. His blue eyes went from his trembling future brother-in-law to the frog from yesterday. What was all that "human naked poof" talk?

"L-lo siento, I-I did not expect this at all." Antonio stuttered out, shrinking from Lovino's accusatory pointing. Oh god...he really was not prepared for this at all…How was he going to tell Lovi about the spell placed on him? His problems should have ended last night!

"Well, I didn't expect to find a naked man in my bed either!" Lovino snarled back. "What the hell are you, you tomato bastard?"

The frog winced at the heated glare Lovino shot at him with his pissed off hazel eyes. "W-well, why don't we all meet at the table so I can tell my story? I…I don't think you'll like it very much if I told you when I'm in your bed."

"Vee~! I wanna hear a story!" Feliciano chirped enthusiastically.

"Shut up, Feliciano….fine. I want to know every detail of why you suddenly turned into a super hot Spaniard and how you ended up like a frog."

"…what, Lovi thinks I'm a 'super hot Spaniard?'"

"Oh, ewww! G-god no!" Lovino hissed out, his cheeks burning up in embarrassment. "Check y-your hearing, you bastard!"

"Vee~ I heard you say that too, fratello!"

"Mira, Lovi? You think I'm hot!" the frog cheered.

"…" Lovino was silent for a moment. "…Feliciano?"

"What?"

"Shut the hell up. Just _shut up_." Lovino gritted out. His temper flared when he saw Antonio grinning stupidly. He grabbed his washcloth from his nightstand and threw in Antonio's face with a delicious loud smack sound. Lovino was decidedly satisfied.

So, all the confused occupants of the room went their separate ways to clean themselves up for breakfast and soon, all of them sat at the dining table with breakfast silently, waiting for Antonio to tell his tale.

The frog sat on the table, inspecting a tomato for a long moment before offering them a slightly uncomfortable smile. "Well, I'll start off with the basics. My name is Antonio Fernandez Carriedo of Spain."

Lovino choked on his food and punched his chest to regain his breathing. "W-wait, what?"

"Yes, Roderich of Austria came to me about a month ago and arranged for me and you to meet so I can settle your…'anger issues that seem to endanger the general populace and your position.'" Antonio said quietly.

"So, it was true." Ludwig spoke up. "Correct me if I am wrong but I suppose that you got yourself in this whole froggy mess because you got into a fight with Arthur of England. He is the only person who believes in black magic I can think of that you might have been in contact with."

The Spanish frog laughed and scratched his head sheepishly. "Ahaha! Actually, I did not get into a fight with the English king at all. It was-"

"Was he drunk, Antonio?" Ludwig interrupted.

"No, he wasn't, actually. It…was actually a very unique case, haha~!"

"So…Arthur wasn't involved?"

"Well…he wasn't involved too much…Hmm…ah, sí!" Antonio smiled as he got his story together. "I was with Francis at Arthur's castle since Arthur wanted to negotiate some things with us!"

"Mr. Wine McFuckFace with the tea bastard. Oh, don't you have the most fucking awesome friends ever?" Lovino grumbled out sarcastically. "If those two are in each other's presence, I'm surprised they haven't clawed out each other's throats yet. Bipolar bastards…"

"Haha, that's funny, Lovi! Anyway, this is what happened!" Antonio took a deep breath to begin his tale.

_Flashback _

_Antonio twiddled his thumbs nervously as he sat in Arthur's garden. He had no idea why Arthur asked him to come here. The guy didn't even like him! Quite frankly, Antonio was a bit paranoid. The Spaniard shifted his eyes warily in the garden. He was well (read: too) aware of Arthur's aggressiveness._

_Especially when playing pirates. _

_G-gods….his poor, poor Armada. He loved that toy boat to death._

_It did not exactly help either that Arthur grew up to become a fearsome sea pirate who terrorized pretty much form of aquatic transportation._

_The guy gave a new definition to teenage rebellion._

_He shifted nervously in his seat at the table, half expecting a crazed English pirate to pop out of the bushes cackling and holding a cutlass. He shuddered._

_The horror!_

"_Ah, mon ami, Sourcils summoned you too?" Francis finally spoke, noting his friend's nervousness._

"_Sí, amigo!" Antonio answered warmly, his fears about Arthur melting away with his friend's reassuring presence._

_The two of them were sitting at the tea table, waiting for Arthur to arrive and tell them why they were here._

"_Hmm…I wonder what he wanted to tell us." Francis thought out loud. "To think…I could be busy spreading l'amour instead of being in a place like this. I don't want to stay here too long."_

"_I know, Francis…pero…what if it's something bad?" _

"_I really doubt old Arthur would do something like that. Well, I have a little something for my dear Sourcils." Francis leered mischievously, trying to calm the Spaniard's Anglophobia down._

"_Hmm, what's that, amigo?" Antonio asked curiously, quickly forgetting about his fears about Arthur._

'_Do you remember the incident at the EU council meeting last week?"_

_Antonio blinked before laughing. "Oh, I remember! Arthur cursed your hair away for that one day!"_

"_Yes…I was so glad that the hair loss was only effective for one day." Francis muttered darkly. "Anyway, on one of his drunken Britannia angel escapades, he dropped this." The French king pulled out an old spell book from his coat. "I found this about two days ago."_

_Francis smirked triumphantly. "This is very good hostage material. I could probably make Arthur do anything for this. To get back at him for last week, of course."_

"_Hmm…it's pretty old looking." Antonio commented as he looked at the dusty faded cover of the leather book._

"_Oui." Francis replied smoothly, inspecting the tea Arthur left out before dumping it into a nearby potted plant labeled "Sir Alec of Balonsgreen." In about five point two seconds, poor Sir Alec of Balonsgreen wilted and died. Not that Francis noticed at all. Sir Alec was a tulip._

"_Have you read the book, Francis?" Antonio asked._

"_More or less. There was a bunch of Latin that I didn't quite get but I could understand some."_

"_Does that mean you're a…wizard?"_

_Francis looked at Antonio and grinned. "Oui, I am, mon ami."_

"_Ohh! Haz un hechizo! Do a spell!" Antonio burst out. "I never knew Francis was a wizard!"_

"_Of course, dear Antonio." Francis opened the book and began to scan. Maybe he could find some spell that causes Antonio to turn into a girl or appear naked…_

_After about two minutes of searching, Francis was left unsatisfied but he did found a spell that had the word "frog" written in a couple of times. Maybe, this spell turns people into frogs. This could work. The Frenchman smiled and turned to Antonio who was looking at him anxiously. _

"_Okay, Antonio, stand over there. I'm going to change you into a frog!" Francis called out and began to read over the Latin. Then, in his best voice, he began to chant the spell. Antonio squirmed but smile in delight as he felt the magic changing his body. Francis smiled triumphantly at his spell's success as he saw a frog on top of a pile of clothes instead of a human in Antonio's place._

"_Wah! You really are a wizard, Francis!" Frog Antonio cried out happily._

_Francis and the frog began to chat animatedly about how Francis was a wizard and how he was so much better than Arthur in spell casting and whatnot. They were so busy in their conversation that they did not notice that Arthur finally arrived at the table._

"_Ugh…well, that took a very long time. I cannot fathom why the blasted boy has to be so shy in showing himself to other people…" Arthur muttered, rubbing his neck from stress. He immediately saw Francis but…where was Antonio? However, he did see the frog on Francis's palm and the spell-Hey, wait a second! That spellbook was the missing item that he was trying to find for the last two days! That…git._

_The bloody wanker must have summoned the frog from the book just to spite him. Arthur stomped over to the Frenchman in anger. "Have you been messing with my stuff again?"_

"_Eh…oh bonjour, Sourcils." Francis greeted cheerfully. "You would not believe what I just did-"_

"_Oh, I have a pretty good clue." Arthur snarled darkly, glaring at the frog in his frenemy's arms. "You summoned that beastly animal from my book!"_

_Francis widened his eyes in surprise. "What? No, I didn't-"_

"_Don't lie, you bastard!" Arthur yelled out before raising his hand and chanting a fast spell. Before Francis could stop him, the frog felt himself being lifted and poof! Antonio vanished into thin air. _

_The Englishman dusted his hands off and mentally praised himself for a job well done. He mistook Francis's horror as horror from having his beloved animal ripped from his hands. He had no idea that the frog he just banished from his castle was, in fact, the Spanish king._

_Flashback end_

"So, this whole mess started because you and Francis were idiots and played with Arthur's book." Lovino deadpanned. "Who the fuck is that retarded to play with dangerous spells? Especially Arthur's spells! You must have a death wish or something!"

"But Francis is a wizard." Antonio pointed out. "A good wizard too."

The Italian prince face palmed himself. "You actually believed the wine bastard?"

"…sí?" Antonio responded in an unsure manner. Lovino twitched his eye and opened his mouth to speak.

"So, how did you turn back into human?" Feliciano spoke out, cutting off his brother's harsh insult response.

The frog beamed at him. "Because true love breaks the spell! It always does! I'm the Frog Prince!"

"What kind of bullshit are you spouting out now?"

"Lovi, you're my true love! It's like the fairytale!"

Lovino choked for the second time, his face aflame. "O-on what proof, tomato bastard?"

"On the basis that when I kissed you in your sleep, I turned back to human!" the frog chirped cheerfully.

Lovino's jaw dropped. Ludwig stared at Antonio in silence. There was a pregnant pause of silence until finally, Feliciano's voice cut through it.

"…So, does this mean I have a future brother-in-law, fratello?" Feliciano asked innocently.

As if Feliciano's words were a cue, Lovino suddenly snarled and lunged for the frog. Feliciano squeaked in alarm and tried to hold back his pissed brother. Antonio jumped back in alarm.

"You sick bastard! You KISSED me in my SLEEP?"

"Vee~! Don't kill your husband, fratello! You need hug therapy again!"

Ludwig stared at the chaotic scene in front of him, contemplating Antonio's story. "If true love really caused you to turn back into human…why are you still a frog now?"

0.o.0.o.0.

Francis and Arthur were in Arthur's large library. Which looked like a tornado hit it. Books were scattered everywhere, this way and that. Some were open. Some were not. Some looked used. Some looked as if they were older than Francis and Arthur's ages combined and quadrupled.

The day after Arthur found out about his mistake, scolded Francis for stealing his book, and threatening Francis to get down in his library to help him find the solution for the spell Francis had caused the Englishman tore through his library and forced the Frenchman to do the same. After searching the seemingly infinite amount of spell books in his library and finding nothing, Arthur ran to his desk and yelled to Francis. "I'm afraid that I'm not that organized! Some of my counter spells and solution papers are scattered in and my other genres of books! Check my cookbooks!"

So, some of Arthur's spells were located in his cookbooks?

This mere revelation and fact scared the crap out of Francis.

After a couple minutes later, Arthur finally found the torn page that contained the instructions on how to reverse Antonio's spell.

Arthur quickly compared his stolen spell book to the solution and translated both of them. "Alright, so this is the 'Frog Prince' spell. According to the counter spell, this curse should be broken by true love's love kiss."

"Oh, so it's the classic fairy tale spell?" Francis asked.

"It appears so." Arthur contemplated on how to handle the situation for a moment. "Well, since I sent Antonio to some random place in the world, we have to find him. I can probably find my locator spell and it should be easy to teleport to his location. We might have to locate and convince his true love too though….this spell is going to be a bitch to reverse."

"Ah, have no fear, Sourcils. We must have faith in dear Antonio. Antonio is very charming and if fate will work in his favor, his true love shall naturally be brought to him. The Spaniard can be loved by anyone, even in his froggy state." Francis stated confidently with a flip of the hair.

"So, no one would try to kill him…or harm him in any way? Because part of the solution to the spell is that his true love must realize his or her feelings and reciprocate them."

"Anyone with a heart and a brain would know that Antonio is the the sweetest person they would ever meet." Francis smiled. "Seducing his true love would be a walk in the park for Antonio."

"Unless his true love was some stubborn, bitchy, and unpleasant git like the prince of Southern Italy." Arthur added sarcastically.

"Oh, mon ami, what are the chances that Antonio's soulmate is someone like him?" Francis laughed. Arthur could not help but laugh as well. Lovino Vargas with Antonio Fernandez Carriedo? The thought itself was simply ridiculous!

Little did they know that irony of their statements will come back for vengeance, biting their asses. Hard.

The two men suddenly heard the door open. They turned their heads to see a petite blond man with a white bear on his back, carrying a tea tray. The blond man shyly peered at them with calm purple eyes. He walked over the books towards them and held the tea tray in front of Arthur. "Y-You weren't in your study so…I brought your tea here."

"Ah, yes. Sorry about that." Arthur nodded formally towards the blond boy and took the tea cup. Francis's eyes glinted lecherously as they raked through the boy's appearance. The blond looked about seventeen.

"Ohonhonhonhon, who is this, Sourcils?" Francis asked.

Arthur scowled, immediately knowing what the Frenchman was thinking of. "He's not a boy toy, you sick freak."

"Well," Francis grasped one of the blond boy's hands and kissed it. "He is quite pretty."

The blond boy flushed and stuttered. Arthur rolled his eyes. "You think anything with boobs, a hole, legs, a figure, a mouth, or any combination of what I just mentioned is 'pretty.'"

Francis twitched one of his eyes in an insulted manner. "…You just don't know aesthetics like I do."

"Whatever. Anyway," Arthur turned back to the blond. "I apologize for making you carry this tea to the library. I'll meet you at dinner at six."

The blond boy nodded and walked out.

"So, you're going to introduce me to him?" Francis purred. "He was quite a looker."

"No."

"So, he's not available?"

"…no, he isn't."

"Oh? And why is that?" The Frenchman raised a curious eyebrow. "You _like _him?"

"…" To Francis's surprise, the other suddenly became quiet.

"What's wrong, Sourcils? Is your pride so large that you cannot accept the fact that you are victim to l'amour?"

"…No."

"Then, what is ailing you, mon cher?"

Arthur's shoulders suddenly slump as he turned to Francis slowly. Francis glanced at him warily. What was wrong with his frenemy? "…You know how I called you and Antonio here to tell you some things to discuss?"

Francis frowned and nodded…What was this leading to?

"That boy…he is my betrothed." Arthur spat out painfully. "His mother, the queen of his country, pressured me into signing a marriage agreement a few years ago. I can't believe it but…I'm getting married in a couple of months." Francis's eyes widened. "He…he isn't an irritable brat, I'm glad but…I wanted to tell you people, my neighbors, the news first. I don't know…I don't know how to deal with this. This is a political marriage but I really don't want to do this. You and Antonio were the closest people I could find to consult about this."

"Arthur…" Francis could see plainly in Arthur's pained eyes that the Englishman had no interest in getting married.

"In a couple of months, I'll be married to Alfred F. Jones of the New World."

/

Nope, I wrote that right. Arthur is getting married to "Alfred Jones." Cue cheesy plot twist music!

Anyway, I would like to thank all who reviewed: _Crazy4animeCouples, Catsdon'tcry, rainbow world, Quartz Willow, Mocha MintCocoa _(your penname has made me quite thirsty)_, Bookworm24601 _(I just noticed this now but…did you ever read Les Miserables by any chance?)_, NoWhereToCallHome, privateer at heart, Unknown Variable, Kaikun-Ichichan-4-Ever, Lostheartdarkclan._

And special thanks to the following who actually replied back to my replies: _NoWhereToCallHome, QuartzWillow._

Kay, so PruCan seems to be winning, leaving France single. So, some new choices will be presented to you. Do you want:

FranceSeychelles

USUKFr (yeup, a love triangle of America and France fighting over England)

PruCanFr (Prussia and France fighting over Canada)

And also,

**Question: **If Hungary organized a play for the whole Hetalia cast to perform, based on a Disney movie, what movie would that be and who would be who? (i.e. Robin Hood: America-Robin Hood, Arthur-Maid Mariam, Tony-Little John (oh, the irony)) Like that.

**Reviews give this story a purpose in life. Please review!**


	4. Chapter 4

Important A/Ns at the bottom.

Anyway, just to clear it up a little, there are two reasons why Spain turned back into a frog.

Antonio's counterspell requires a "true love's love kiss" as Arthur said last chapter. In other words, Antonio needs his true love to love him back. And as far as we know, it is evident that Lovino still thinks that he hates the guy's guts. He can turn back into a human temporarily with a kiss from Lovino but if Lovino displays any sort of form of hate (for example, screaming at him to get the fuck out of his room does not count as any form of affection), he immediately turns back into a frog.

Making Antonio as a human permanently kinda defeats the purpose of the title.

Alright? Okay.

Anyway, thank you for all of your lovely reviews! Hopefully, you will enjoy this next chapter!

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

/

"…Are you serious, Arthur?" Francis asked, slowly processing the Englishman's words.

Arthur furrowed his brow tiredly and nodded. "Yes. I agreed to his mother's proposition that we should unite both of our countries through political marriage."

The Frenchman looked at him solemnly and pressed his lips in a thin line. "Well, at least, you're following your reason of state."

"I know…I just…" Arthur looked down at his tea. "When Alfred's mother came to visit me a year ago, she said that she was close friends with my late mother….they were step cousins who had visited each other during the summer of their youth. I couldn't back from the request of someone who knew my mother…"

Francis peered at him curiously. "Well, that must have been interesting.

"It truly was. Her reason for the political marriage was to unite England and the New World but quite frankly, I was not really interested in seeking any alliance with the New World." Arthur answered. "My country did not need it and I was not interested in marriage either."

"So, you accepted because that woman was friends with your mother.

"…Yeah."

At that answer, the French king shot his friend a look that clearly said, 'Are you serious?' Arthur glared at him. Francis snickered a bit in response. "You're quite a momma's boy, aren't you?"

"Shut up! You wouldn't understand unless you were in my shoes." Arthur growled defensively.

"On the contrary, your shoes are one of the most disgusting pieces of fashion I have ever seen." Francis gave a short laugh and leered at him, no longer feeling sorry for his friend. "Tell me, Sourcils, what did your dear fiancé's mother look like? There are rumors floating around that the queen of the New World is very attractive. Hair as golden as the sun…ocean blue eyes…a curvaceous figure…a rack to rival the Lady of Ukraine's…"

Arthur's face flushed bright red as he scowled. "Don't talk about the mother of my betrothed that way! God, why did I even bother to summon you and Antonio if you are not going to take me seriously?"

Francis snickered to hide his smile. At least, Arthur was back to his normal grouchy self. "That reminds me, why did you summon Antonio anyway? Me, I can understand. I'm one of your only 'friends' these days. But the Spanish sweetheart? The one you used to beat up and destroy his toy armadas as children?"

The English king bit his lip and resisted the urge to slap the Frenchman across the face. "…because….because everyone likes Antonio. I wanted to know how Antonio gets so many people to like him. I have a fiancé to talk and connect with now….but I don't know how to. Alfred's been so distant ever since his ship reached here. Apparently, his personal servant was supposed to be here with him but he fell overboard and drowned somewhere. I think he was really close to that servant because the people on the ship that were with him said that he was really chipper on the way here. Unfortunately, I don't know how to talk with depressed people!"

"…Well, the hysterical are always really easy to persuade into be-"

"I AM NOT HAVING PITY SEX WITH HIM! God, see? This is why I wanted to talk to Antonio for advice. He actually makes friends through _non sexual _means, unlike you. Anyway, things have been really awkward and quiet between me and Alfred. So far, the only things that I managed to get out of him are that his favorite color is red and that his polar bear has, in counting, twenty four different names!"

There was a pregnant pause of silence after Arthur's outburst, not counting Arthur's labored breaths.

"…well, look at the bright side. You have all night after your wedding to get to know him _very _well." Francis waggled his eyebrows suggestively, thrusting his hips and blatantly disregarding Arthur's no-sex declaration.

"Well, aren't you a bloody arse? This is serious! Stop laughing at me!" Arthur yelled angrily, giving the other male a rough push in the shoulders.

"Well, it looks like you cannot appreciate the boy's beauty. I'll gladly take him off your hands, if you do not mind." Francis answered with a teasing smile.

"Why you…"

The two started their daily bickering once more. Antonio's predicament would have to be addressed later.

Neither of the kings noticed that there was an eavesdropper in their conversation.

"Alfred" silently stood at the partially closed doors of "his" fiancé's library. He sighed quietly and let the bear cub on his back crawl onto his shoulder and into his arms. His purple eyes brimmed with worry and unease. He should have never listened to his half brother on the ship. He gazed down to the polar bear in his arms.

"Alfred, where are you…? I swear to god, we should have never switched places on the ship…They're going to find out sooner or later that you forced me to switch with you…" "Alfred" murmured softly. "Kumakoro, what am I going to do?"

The polar bear looked at him and blinked. "_Who are you?"_

"Alfred" gave his cub a pained smile. "…I'm Matthew."

0.o.0.o.0.

Lovino Vargas was not a happy camper. For one, he had two nasty little holes on his body. One hole was the result of being hit in the shoulder with a sedative laced dart from the potato bastard's pocket blowgun after he tried to strangle the frog. The second hole was near his collarbone after he woke up twenty minutes later and tried to attack the potato bastard for giving him the first hole.

And when he woke up for the second time, he learned three things.

One, he was now sitting on a bench in his tomato garden as Feliciano wanted to go out tomato picking and asked the potato bastard to carry Lovino outside in case he wakes up again.

Two, his clothes had been potato contaminated and fuck, he was wearing his favorite red shirt. Lovino made the mental note to burn his shirt (tearfully) and console himself by slipping the ashes in the potato fuck's breakfast tomorrow morning.

Three, the tomato frog was still here. Alive. Sitting next to him. Happy. But worst of all, _alive._

These three things were _nothing _compared to the next thing he realized.

His little brother and his bastard fiancé were nowhere in sight.

That revelation alone sent the South Italian prince in a deep state of rage-slash-panic. Then, he suddenly heard Feliciano's voice somewhere in his garden.

"_Wahh! Luddy, you big potato bastard, don't touch me there! Oh no, FRATELLO! Please come and rescue me with your clearly superior manly strength and kill the potato bastard for me!" _Lovino then unconsciously added, _"…VEE!"_

Of course, that was what Lovino thought Feliciano had said. The Italian immediately darted into his garden in desperation to rescue his younger brother from the clutches of the evil potato fuck. Antonio followed right behind him.

What the North Italian prince really said was, "Vee, Luddy, look! If I stuff these tomatoes down my shirt, I look like I have boobs like Sister Elizaveta! Feel them!"

"That's okay…I do not really want to feel your…tomato assets."

"But it's all squishy! And-oh, OH NO! I accidentally squished one of my boobs! My shirt is all sticky and red now! Waah, Luddy, fratello is going to be super angry with me when he finds out that I accidentally killed one of his tomatoes!"

With that, Feliciano became hysterical. Ludwig desperately tried to comfort him.

Of course, by the time Lovino found them, he automatically assumed two things.

One, with the red liquid on his brother's shirt, the potato bastard must have stabbed him to keep him quiet.

Two, he reached to his brother's aid just in time right before the bastard was about to have his dirty potato way with him.

"What the hell do you think you're doing with my brother?" Lovino screamed.

Just from the sound of his demonic brother-in-law's voice, Ludwig felt his usual migraine coming on.

"Vee~ it's not what it looks like! Ludwig was just comforting me over a tomato I accidentally murdered! Would you like a tomato, fratello?" Feliciano offered a tomato from his basket to the still fuming Italian.

"The potato bastard was trying to rape you!"

"Oh, I don't think he was trying to rape me! Anyway, have a tomato! Look at how red and juicy they look!" The happier of the two brothers replied, clearly ignoring his brother's rage.

One of the few strengths that Feliciano had was total immunity to his brother's rage and insults. He might be sometimes distressed and even a bit sad from receiving them on a daily basis but overall, he took them in a stride effortlessly.

Ludwig, on the other hand, was probably developing an ulcer (if not, a brain aneurysm) from the constant stress of resisting his urge to slap the bitchy Italian across the face a little more than fifty three thousand six hundred thirty four times.

At the rate he was going, the German could see an unpleasant early death with Feliciano crying hysterically and Lovino laughing maniacally as he pissed on his grave.

This mental image only served to aggravate his migraine.

"I know what I saw! That bastard tried to-Oh, for gods' sakes, I DON'T NEED YOUR GODDAMN HUG THERAPY!"

"Vee, brother, calm down!" Feliciano tried to reason, struggling to keep his arms around his brother. "Just calm down…because when people are angry, they hurt the people they love. And you don't want to hurt your future brother-in-law, do you?"

"What the hell are you talking about? OF COURSE I WANT TO HURT HIM!" Lovino shrieked as he fought against his brother's _surprisingly _strong hold/natural straitjacket

"Brother, how _could _you? Luddy is a nice guy! You need to cool down! Just relax into my arms and-"

"GODDAMMIT, FELICIANO, YOU CAN'T SOLVE EVERY PROBLEM IN YOUR LIFE WITH YOUR FUCKING HUG THERAPY!"

"Yes, I can! Big Brother Francis told me!"

"…and you actually listened to that French fuckface in the first place?"

The Italy brothers continued to bicker amongst themselves while Ludwig and Antonio watched them silently.

"…So, do these dos hermanos always fight on a daily basis?" the frog asked curiously.

Ludwig massaged his temples. "Not exactly. It is more like Feliciano tries to stop Lovino from hurting himself or offending people. He never actually insults Lovino back."

"Has anyone told them that they look so adorable when they argue with each other?"

Ludwig frowned and shook his head. "Unfortunately, I don't see it that way and-" The German suddenly tensed and reached for his dagger on his belt. His mental military radar was going off. There was an intruder hiding somewhere here. "Someone…is watching us."

That caught Lovino and Feliciano's attention. Lovino released his hold from his brother's neck and looked around. There was no one besides him, his brother, a fugly German, and a retarded Spanish frog. He scoffed. "Yeah, but I don't see anyone. Try pulling out that paranoid stick out of your dumb ass-HOLY SHI-"

"Lovi!"

The Southern Italian prince was never able to finish his insult as he suddenly found himself tackled and face planted into the ground with a considerable amount of weight on his back. His heart nearly stopped when he felt the tip of something sharp lightly pressed into his neck. He swallowed thickly as he felt a hand grasp the nape of his neck to hold his head down.

Ludwig tightened his hold on his now unsheathed weapon and eyed his hooded opponent warily. He knew that one false step in negotiation could lead to his, though tempting, brother-in-law's bloody death. Convincing himself that Feliciano will cry for hours if he let the intruder kill Lovino, the German bit his lip and reluctantly tried to reason with the stranger. "Who are you and what are you doing here?"

The intruder did not answer and merely tightened his hold around the nape of Lovino's neck, making the other cry out in pain.

"Hey, answer me!" yelled out Ludwig.

To Lovino's relief, his attacker relaxed his hold and removed the knife from his neck.

The intruder let out a low chuckle and ignored Ludwig's question. "This is Lovino, the prince of this land, right?"

Before Ludwig could open his mouth, Feliciano quickly spoke up. "Vee, don't kill my brother! I know he has pissed some people off but please don't kill him for that!"

"Yes! Please don't kill poor Lovi!" the frog added. Oh how Antonio wished he was still human and had his axe with him!

Ludwig ignored both of his two idiotic companions and glared at the stranger in hopes of intimidating him. "You dare to attack on royal grounds? Who do you think you are? Who has hired you? Show yourself!"

The stranger cocked his head in confusion and quickly let out a small laugh. "…So, you want to know who I am…? Why am I here…?"

"Yes, answer the question, you-"

The hooded figure suddenly shushed Ludwig sharply. "Wait for it….dramatic pause…dramatic pause…dramatic pause…" Suddenly, he took off his hood in an ostentatious fashion to reveal a blond with blue eyes. "I'm THE HERO! I'm here to answer the people of the less fortunate's call!"

Ludwig, Feliciano, and Antonio stared at him in a dumbfounded manner. The stranger took their silence as intimidation or awe at his pure heroic-ness.

"Yes! I am here to defeat the evil Italian prince who makes his subjects miserable!" crowed the man.

Lovino raised his head at that angrily. "What the fuck? I'm no evil prince!"

His attacker grinned and rolled his eyes. "Denial is just a river in Norway!"

"But Brother is not an evil prince! He doesn't have the power to hurt anyone!" Feliciano cried out. He stopped then added, "He never went to Norway either!"

Ludwig twitched his eye. So the stranger was an idiot. "What do you mean, 'answer the people of the less fortunate's call?'"

The blond laughed and nodded sagely to himself. "Well, you see, a couple days ago, I found myself in this town and decided to go to the bar to ask around and get information. Really, chipper and happy people there, you know? Did the evil prince cast a brainwashing spell or something on them? Anyway, so there was this group of guys that were basically brooding and drinking a lot at the end of the bar. Obviously, they were distressed about something so, I swooped down heroically and asked them what was wrong. And one of them was sayin' that they had this really annoying prince who liked to yell at them all the time for no reason."

Lovino widened his eyes at that. He _did _remember yelling at a group of stableboys a couple of days ago since they forgot to feed the horses. He also remembered that he docked their pays for the week because of that.

Well, what kind of stable boy forgets to feed horses?

"And basically, they were talking about how evil the prince was for tossing them around and stuff. Naturally, I asked if there was anything that I can do to help. And the guys said that I could help this land a lot if I managed to make the 'bitchy Italian prince' disappear. Then, for some reason, they laughed after they said that. Probably thought that I was unworthy of doing such a dangerous task. But look where I am now! I proved myself!"

Ludwig noted that the man was very loud and could talk almost non-stop. Overall, he was a very annoying man.

The German had a feeling that his older brother would totally love this guy as a drinking buddy.

"…Have you considered the fact that those people were just joking around?" Ludwig asked. "They probably did not mean it."

The blond looked taken back and a wave of uncertainty passed his face. "Huh…."

"And you do realize that you are talking to the prince of Germany as well, right? That is my brother-in-law you have pinned to the ground. My fiancé would appreciate it very much if you get off of his brother. We can end this little scuffle peacefully without calling the guards." Ludwig continued, intending to intimidate the man with his royal superiority.

The man glanced at the German and looked at the Italian next to him that resembled the man he had pinned down.

"Please let Lovino go! We have relatives in…wherever you came from!" Feliciano pleaded.

The blond looked at the Italian squirming underneath him. Well…this guy was awfully weak for being a villain. The intruder shrugged and slowly got up.

As soon as Lovino was up on his feet, he was immediately tackled by Feliciano who embraced him tearfully.

"Vee, I thought you were going to die!"

"Thank god, you're okay, Lovi."

"Yeah, I know. Shut up already."

Leaving Lovino to be smothered with Antonio and Feliciano's relief, Ludwig faced the blond. "What is your name?"

The other grinned and gave a thumbs up. "I'm Al, the HERO and the next Robin Hood!"

Ludwig contemplated for a moment if this man should be thrown in jail for assaulting a royal but quickly dismissed the thought. The guy was probably a victim of misunderstanding and overall, a gullible but strong idiot. The German sighed.

"So…uh, didn't take you as a guy who likes other gu…" Al trailed off before waving his hands frantically. "Ah, don't take that the wrong way! I'm just sayin, you know. I mean, you're all stern and tense and stuff…my hero intuition was tellin' me that you were some hardass military guy with a bunch of girls swooning over you! And usually, my gut feeling is right! I mean, I have this friend who I used to spar with and…"

Yeah, he and his brother would totally get along.

/

I apologize for the last chapter. I did not give that many clear hints about Alfred and Matthew's fairytale. Well, for starters, it is NOT "Prince and the Pauper." I tried to leave a bit more subtle hints this time.

If you want an even bigger hint, Alfred and Matthew's story is based on the same fairytale that a certain book of Shannon Hale's adapted.

Well, in this chapter, at least, Alfred was introduced. Even if he did try to pull a Robin Hood/Hero move and nearly killed Lovino in the process. And don't worry, Antonio will be regaining his human form very soon! Temporarily, at least.

And I would like to thank the following for reviewing last chapter: _Jenn06807, rainbow world, LoLo98, Catsdon'tcry, Crazy4animeCouples, Mocha MintCocoa, SongOfTheShadows, HikuriOnichi, QuartzWillow, Unknown Variable, and last but not least, NoWhereToCallHome._

Aaaand special thanks to the people who reply to my replies :D: _NoWhereToCallHome, HikuriOnichi, Mocha MintCocoa, Catsdon'tcry. (especially the last two, you two are just made of awesome sauce. Your Disney adaptions are GENIUS.)_

As for the France relationship status issue:

I realized of how very OOC France would be if he was tied down to someone.

So, I wanted to ask you this: Should France be single?

Answer that in your review, please.

**Question: **Why is Prussia awesome? What makes him awesome?


	5. Chapter 5

**Uber long rambling note of doom: **Hello, there! I'm back after four weeks! Hopefully, you guys are still reading my story! Alright, so last time where we left off, "Al," who is totally not Alfred, the Prince of the New World, has met Lovino and the crew and is officially staying with them for a while. Lovino and the crew have no idea that Al is really a prince and Al has no idea that he has made the stupidest decision of his life when he told his brother to take his place as prince and marry a totally hot Englishman.

Aww…was my last chapter not that good? It was not as popular as chapter 1,2, or 3.

Well, more important ANs at the bottom.

Warning: Language (herp derp) and SCENE MONTAGE! There's like…more than 5 scene changes in this chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or Goose Girl (yeup, that story! Except Matthew is not going to be an evil maid! No snapped Canadians in this story. Or severed horse heads. That's just mean.).

/

Life was a bitch for Lovino at the moment.

She really was.

Why?

Anyone who could see how his life was at the moment could see why.

Lovino moaned and slammed his head into his pillow in frustration. Currently sulking in his bedroom, the Southern Italian prince was extremely pissed.

He not only had a fugly German and a frog with a twenty four hour shit eating grin plastered on his face, now, he had a-possibly psychotic and murderous-idiot with an hero complex invading his house.

This fact alone made Lovino realized that he really hit rock bottom in his life. Godammit.

About three days earlier, the hero bastard proclaimed earlier, "As a hero, I am your guest. I'll stay here for a couple of days! Plus, I'll repay you by protecting you from any weird murderers and assassins who might kill you in your sleep!"

Lovino remembered answering, "Like fuckfaces like you?"

But then, Feliciano piped up, "I want to hear stories about a brave hero!"

Then, the potato bastard warbled in his ugly (yeah, voices can be ugly. Especially the ones of potato bastards) voice, "…We should keep an eye on him. He might be a fugitive of some sort."

Fuck his life.

The Italian winced inwardly as he heard another one of his porcelain cups shatter downstairs.

"Aww man, that's the third one! Why does the Italian dude have such expensive teacups! They must be British cups! From where I came from, porcelain cups are for chumps!" Lovino heard Al say. Well, that cup set was a gift from Arthur on his fourteenth birthday. _Obnoxious hero fuckface._

"…Where did you come from, Al?" The Italian prince heard Ludwig say. _Smelly, ugly, potato-shitting bastard._

"Yes….where did you come from, Al?" The prince heard Antonio say. The frog was oddly very calm. His voice, however, held a murderous undertone. _Weird ass tomato bastard who's way too damn happy all the time._

"Vee, it sounds like a cool place! Do they have pasta?" Lovino heard his brother say. _Pasta and potato-loving freak….I still love you though._

"Uh…I move a lot! I travel to a lot of places, helping people in need! Except Russia. I heard there's evil and fat people there!"

Lovino raised his head from his pillow. That was such an obvious lie that even an idiot wouldn't believe that.

"Wow! That must be really fun, Al!"

Lovino took his thought back. He forgot that his brother was an exception. Well, at least, the potato bastard wasn't as stupid as him. If the Southern Italian prince was lucky, the potato bastard would get really suspicious and confront the hero bastard to kick him out. If the Italian prince was _really _lucky, they would both fight. In the middle of the roads. Where both of them could possibly be ran over by a carriage. That would be nice. Or maybe-

_Grooooowl. _Lovino's face flushed in embarrassment as his stomach let out a loud growl. He could really go for a tomato at the moment. Plus, he really needed to talk to Alfred about the teacups he was breaking.

The prince stood up from his bed and begrudgingly went out of his room to meet up with his-unwanted-guests in the kitchen. He scowled when he saw his brother latched on Ludwig's hip and Al-_crash_-breaking yet another cup of his.

"Lovi!" Antonio cried out happily, bouncing towards the sullen looking prince. "You finally came down! Are you hungry?"

"I can go get one myself, stupid tomato bastard." Lovino answered coldly before side stepping him to reach for the cupboard. However, Antonio blocked him, holding out a tomato in his hands.

"I thought I might get one for you in case if you came down!" Antonio exclaimed bubbly.

Lovino peered at the frog and snorted in distaste. "I thought I told you I hate frogs."

"But I'm not a frog, mi Lovinito!" Antonio replied. "You saw how I truly look! Was I really that ugly?"

Lovino's face flushed at the mention of the Spaniard's true human form but he quickly cursed and spluttered. "W-Well, duh! You're the ugliest tomato bastard on earth!"

The frog's emerald eyes flashed temporarily with hurt but quickly replaced it with joy as he suddenly pointed Lovino's face. "Aww, your face is red like a tomato!"

"Sh-shut up, dammit! I-"

"Dude, no offense but…is it just my hero senses or you seem to have the hots for an animal?" Al suddenly chirped up as he picked up the broken pieces of the cups he dropped on the floor. "Look, dude, I'm totally fine with your taste in partners but…don't you think that's a bit extreme?"

Lovino furrowed his brow in anger, ignoring Antonio's pleas to calm down and tugging on his pants leg. "Why you-"

"Vee, but Antonio is like a prince from a fairytale! He's really human! He's just cursed to look like this!" Feliciano spoke up cheerily, giggling until Lovino shot him a withering glare.

Al grinned stupidly, wincing slightly as the pieces cut his hands. He dumped the tea pieces in a nearby trash can. "Cool story, man!"

Lovino had no idea if the blond was taking him seriously. He looked too stupid for the prince to tell.

"Oh, would you all just shut-" Yet again, Lovino was interrupted.

"Your Royal Highness?" a servant spoke up at the kitchen door.

The Southern Italian turned to the doorway in an exasperated manner. "Oh, for fucks' sakes, _what_?"

The servant backed away in a cautious manner, noting his master's irritated bitchy mode was on. However, his face was pale. The servant cleared his throat and held up a black edged envelope. It had the Edelstein's family crest stamped onto the middle. "Your Royal Highness, it turns out that we were a bit late on the mail…it appears, from the black edges of this envelope, that we are in danger. I believe his Austrian Royal Highness is trying to warn you of something…"

Lovino sighed and took the envelope from the servant who quickly left the room after being dismissed. The prince tore the envelope open and read the letter inside quickly. His eyes quickly widened.

"Vee…fratello, what happened?" Feliciano asked worriedly, noting how pale his older brother's face has gotten.

Lovino let out a panicked gasp as he reached the bottom of the letter. His hands trembled and let the letter fall limply from his grasp.

Curious to see what was ailing his poor tomato, Antonio hopped over to Lovino's side and read the letter. The letter said, in neat and cursive handwriting:

_Dear Lovino Vargas, Prince of South Italy,_

_I, Roderich Edelstein, am writing this letter to ask how you're doing as well as tell you a tidbit of news. For starters, it seems that the King of Spain, Antonio Fernandez Carriedo, went missing a week ago. Luckily, Francis Bonnefoy of France stepped into his place indirectly as Spanish king to calm his people down. Knowing you, you are probably rejoicing over that but your meeting is just postponed. It turns out that there was a freak accident at Arthur Kirkland of England's castle with Francis. They assured me that they will do everything they can to bring the Spanish king back. I am not sure if this is true but apparently, Antonio got into a little spell skirmish and now, he is a frog, hiding somewhere in your kingdom as a result. You might have seen him. Anyway, Arthur said that he and Francis will be visiting you in about two or three days for information from when this letter is written._

_I also have one more tidbit of news. Please, heed my following words carefully._

_My darling, lovely, __insane, mental __wife wants to see Feliciano again. She had gotten word that your brother and his fiancé were lodging at your kingdom. She wants to give Feliciano Vargas her blessing and his fiancé her approval. I am sorry I cannot do anything to contain her excitement and please, _be_ prepared for her coming. _

_She has also gotten word that a…fugitive has been spotted at your place. Please, do let her know if you see a man with white hair, red eyes, and a chick on his head. She has a rather personal vendetta with him and I'd like to see her resolve that quickly because it is getting on my nerves._

_Also, if you see the man, please tell him to give me my lucky Silesia underpants back. If he does not, send Elizaveta after him. Her intent to find him is much greater than her desires to see a…what was it? "Wild sex man orgy."_

_And, a word of advice, please _do _think before you speak. As you probably know already, Elizaveta has a rather cruel way of twisting words for her own amusement. The following words to avoid are: cock, huge, large, long, hard, tongue, like, you, want, I, any body part, anything that might have homo- as a prefix, or any word with the word, "sex." _

_And please, close your mouth when you eat and try not to make eye contact with any _males _in the general area. _

_If she corners you, do either the following: distract her with something shiny, preferably a frying pan, or shout out this name, "Gilbert," and point behind her. When she turns, wrench her frying pan from her grip and run in the other direction like a madman._

_If she asks you a question with "you" and another man's name in the same sentence, DO NOT ANSWER HER. Think of something irrelevant like purple elephants. If you don't, she _will_ ruin_ _life for the both of you._

_And also, tidy up the place. If you do not, you may or may not find a few pairs of your underwear gone when she leaves._

_And make sure she has not charmed your room. Check your cabinets, your closets, your kitchens, your rooms, your bathrooms. _Especially the last two.

_I hope you enjoy a lovely visit from Elizaveta, Arthur, and Francis. Take care._

_Sincerely,_

_Roderich Edelstein_

Antonio blinked his eyes once. Twice. Thrice. "…isn't Elizaveta the Queen of Hungary? She sounds like a monster here."

"S-She's every guy's worst nightmare….Nobody messes with her." Lovino managed to say.

Al frowned. "So, she's a queen?"

"Vee~Yes, she's very nice. She sings to me, gives me candy, and plays with me." Feliciano recalled fondly.

"She used to spoil us as kids. Giving us candy…dressing us up…However, when we reached puberty though…" Lovino shuddered. "Everything changed completely."

"I do not know her so well. I only met her as to offer my congratulations to her and Roderich at their wedding a few years ago." Ludwig spoke up before adding, "However, my older brother knew her very well. They used to date but they broke up. He compared her to a, quote-on-quote, 'ugly-ass demon bitch.' She must be a rather strong woman."

Antonio hummed in agreement then looked at the letter's date. "Hey…isn't this letter from a few days ago? Huh, Elizaveta must be coming over right now."

Suddenly, all were silent at Antonio's words.

Lovino was the first to react.

Letting out a strangled and panicked noise, Lovino, still pale, raced to the doorway of the hallway and screamed, "Servants! Initiate lockdown! Maids, tidy up every room! Form mixed gender groups! ELIZAVETA IS COMING! ELIZAVETA IS COMING!"

Antonio, Feliciano, Ludwig, and Al watched in awe as they suddenly heard a stampede of footsteps, mostly from Lovino's male servants, racing to finish their work.

"Whoa dude….are you really that terrified of a woman?" Al chuckled in a teasing manner. To his surprise, Lovino turned to him and shot him a dark withering look.

"With Arthur and Francis coming around the same time…Oh, you have no idea…"

Al blinked. "Well, is there anything a hero can do to help a clearly distressed person like you?"

Lovino glared at him. "Actually yes…get out of the castle and hide in the taverns. Less men equals to less victims."

"But as a hero, I should totally stay here and protect you!" Al protested. Lovino scowled.

"Last time I checked, a hero also defends the saved people's honor. I'm not sure if you know this but I really think that if a man was saved by a hero, he would not like to be treated on the same level as a damsel in distress. Besides…as soon as I take out all of my underwear, I'm hauling ass out of this place." Lovino replied.

"But-"

"_For the love of god and my safety_, please fucking listen to me!"

"For a damsel in distress, you sure really are a bitch but…fine." Al grudgingly went towards the backdoor of the kitchen, following Lovino's orders.

Lovino turned to Feliciano and Ludwig. "Pack any underwear or intimates that you have. If she gets her hands on those, she can track us down by…'man scents.' You have exactly five minutes. My servants are doing their best to stall her as much as they can."

He nodded curtly to them and raced out to his room with Antonio jumping after him. Ludwig looked at Feliciano pensively. "..He did not call me a potato bastard. Why?"

Feliciano smiled cheerfully back. "Whenever Elizaveta comes to visit, Lovi treats it like a life or death situation. According to fratello, Elizaveta 'attacks any male, including potato bastards, such poor taste' in her line of sight. 'Everyone's a victim,' says Lovi."

"Well, that's a very nice thought." Ludwig replied.

"Vee~ She'll love you, Luddy!"

0.o.0.o.0.

It's been two minutes.

Ten minutes.

Twenty minutes.

Thir-

"Damn it, Francis!" Arthur yelled impatiently, kicking the wooden door of the bathroom that Francis occupied to "be prepared for the trip." The Englishman winced inwardly as he saw the scratch he made with his boot. That was pretty good mahogany too. "Stop bloody stalling! We are burning daylight here! You know what my locator spell said! You know Antonio is somewhere at Lovino's place! The only way to get there in a blink of an eye is by my teleporting spell!"

"And that's why I'm worried, mon cher." Francis responded from the other side of the door. "What happens if nothing happens? What happens if something DOES happen? What happens if we might lose our hair, a body part, memories of some sort while teleporting? Or worse, we'll be burnt to crisp like your inedible scones!"

Arthur spluttered indignantly. "Well, I am a full fledged wizard. I know more or less of what I'm doing! Besides, it would take weeks, or months, to reach South Italy if we went there by carriage! And you have no right to criticize my wizard skills! You don't even know magic!"

There was silence for a brief moment. Then, Francis answered, "…Antonio called me a wizard. The best wizard alive."

Arthur face palmed himself and let out a huge sigh to calm his temper down. He could feel his own vein throbbing in anger. "…You stupid disgusting French frog….get out of this bathroom or I might have to put a curse that may or may not leave you bald like last time….I dog-eared the page in my spell book."

Faster than one can say, "Oh, shit, there's a giggling Russian skipping towards me, RUN," Francis slammed the door open and flipped his hair as he mustered up a feeble yet still charming smile. "So, this teleporting spell you were talking about?"

Arthur smirked. "Much better."

The two stepped into the library and prepared themselves to travel to Lovino's castle. Arthur made sure to leave a note for Alfred on his desk. Arthur handed Francis a black cloak and slipped one on himself.

"What kind of abominable piece of clothing is this?" Francis cried out. "Is this the rage of fashion in your country?"

Arthur glared at him. "Shut your hole, frog. It has a natural magic barrier infused in it. It's supposed to protect you from the minor side effects of magic."

"_Minor _side effects?" Francis inquired, holding the cloak gingerly with two fingers. "What about the major ones?"

"I haven't the time to make one. At least, this one will prevent us from hair loss, discolored eyes or skin, diarrhea, or missing tongues or fingernails." Arthur stated matter-of-factly. "Plus, I find it suiting for my occult activity."

"I worry about you sometimes, Sourcils." Francis answered uneasily, wincing at the side effects Arthur named out. He slowly eased on the coat, shuddering when the tattered black fabric touched his well tailored clothes.

"Glad to know that, bastard. Now, to activate the spell…" Arthur picked up his spell book from the table and turned to a bookmarked page before muttering out the words. Francis did his best not to jump or scream when a green circle began to glow around them. Francis sighed as he watched Arthur chant out the spell.

Then, Arthur stuttered the last syllable of the last word.

Oh shi-

Before Francis could realize what just happened, his body suddenly felt like it was being stretched and the air was sucked out of him. The Frenchman squeezed his eyes shut and braced his body for any possible "oops" that the Englishman might have made.

Francis just hope that his luscious hair will still be there when he opened his eyes again. His body was suddenly crushed between two invisible forces.

'"…what is this? The journey wasn't supposed to be this rough!" Francis heard Arthur cry out.

Yeah…he really hoped his hair survives.

0.o.0.o.0.

"You done yet?" Lovino yelled out skittishly to his brother. He tapped his foot impatiently at the backdoor to the tomato garden with Antonio. A bag full of underwear lay at his feet. He had his plan all figured out. They would hightail out the garden, through the forest, to the ocean shore, and take a boat to sail to somewhere like Corsica or something. Elizaveta could appear at any moment….

"Vee~We're coming!" Feliciano yelled back. A few moments later, Ludwig and Feliciano came down the stairs.

"Okay, we're all set! Now, let's haul-"

Suddenly, the trio heard a series of blood curdling screams from the floors above.

Lovino paled. "_She's here_."

They heard a feminine voice from the upper floor. _"Ah, it's been so long since I've been here. Sorry I was late. I was busy visiting Northern Italy for some sightseeing. And why did you close the windows and the doors? I had to teleport myself here. Oh, hello there, Raso! How are you and Kiru coming along? Had sex yet?"_

"_M-my lady, I am not with Kiru! I-I told you that last time!"_

"_Oh, dear, are you still in denial? Ah, young teenage love…it's meant to be! I can just feel it! Let your hormones take over, Raso!"_

"…_My lady, I think I should tell you that I am a twenty-five year old male. I have a wife and she is with child-"_

"_NONSENSE! You are way too good for Kiria! Dump her! You'll be much better off with- Oh hey, where's Lovino and Feliciano?"_

"Run, fools!" Lovino threw the backdoor open and started to run through the garden with Feliciano, Antonio, and Ludwig behind him.

The prince stifled the urge not to scream when he heard an all too familiar feminine voice calling out behind them. "Lovino? Feliciano? Where are you? My frying pan shows that you're somewhere in here but I can't find you. Where are you?"

Feliciano opened his mouth to answer her but Lovino quickly cut him off. "No. We must run, Feliciano. She'll find us if any one of us shouts a word…"

After a few moments of running, they heard Elizaveta's voice again. "Feli…are you playing hide and seek again with me?"

To Lovino's horror, Feliciano's face lit up and before he could stop him, Feliciano let out a yell. "Ah! Yes, we are-"

"You idiot!" Lovino shouted angrily before he could stop himself. "You-"

A sudden green light appeared in front of them, revealing the woman. Lovino paled. "Ah, there you are. It's been such a long time since I've seen you, Feli! Look how much you've grown!"

Giggling, Feliciano ran into Elizaveta's arms. "Ah! Sister Eliza! Me and Lovi really missed you!"

Lovino felt his whole entire body sag in defeat…He had this nagging feeling that an encounter with the frying pan witch was inevitable.

Why, fate, why?

"Oh, you've both grown so tall! You're taller than me now! And so handsome too!" Elizaveta cooed, examining Feliciano's face. She turned to Ludwig.

"Ah, Ludwig, you're Roddy's cousin of some sort, if I remember correctly. Wow, you've grown so much since the last time I saw you at my wedding…" Lovino shivered as he saw Elizaveta's eyes ogling the German. "…so tall and muscular….yes…feels like only yesterday when I met you, all adorned in your little black outfit and hat…you're perfect for Feli…yes….it will work."

Ludwig coughed sheepishly. "I'm honored that you remember me, Miss Elizaveta. I trust that you and Roderich are doing well."

"Oh, we are. But...your troublesome older brother has stolen something rather valuable to Roderich and I need to find him and get it back. If you see the asshole-Oh, I don't mean to offend you, Ludwig, but your brother…is nowhere near as courteous as you. Anyway, if you see him, please, don't hesitate and call me over _immediately_."

"I'll…make sure to alert you if I see Gilbert." Ludwig stuttered out, noting the woman's suddenly murderous aura.

Elizaveta smiled and giggled. "Such a nice man…anyway," Her eyes zeroed in on the group's bags. "You weren't trying to run away or anything, were you?"

Lovino laughed forcefully. "Of course not! I was…really….looking forward to your visit."

"And…what's with the frog?"

Antonio made a movement to speak but Lovino quickly covered his mouth. The Italian prince laughed again. "Oh yeah….I found him in the forest…He's my pet…"

Elizaveta narrowed her eyes at the frog suspiciously. "Oh…what's his name?"

"Um..uh…Tomato Bastard."

"Vee~ But his name really is-"

"Yeah, Tomato Bastard. I found him in my garden, eating my tomatoes so he is a bastard…But I decided to keep him so I can eat him when the time is right." Lovino lied, shooting a warning look to Feliciano and struggling to keep his hand over Antonio's mouth.

The witch tilted her head pensively. "I thought you said you found him in the forest."

Lovino stuttered for a moment and laughed. "Oh, I'm pretty sure I said garden!"

"Right…" Elizaveta replied dryly. She looked at the frog and tilted her head in thought. She opened her mouth to say something but quickly decided against it. She clapped her hands together cheerfully. "Anyway, we've much to catch up on! Let's have dinner together! I want to know all about you!"

"Yes! Let's go!" cried out Feliciano, following her back into his brother's castle. Ludwig followed suit.

Lovino let out a relieved sigh and uncovered Antonio's mouth.

"Lovi…why didn't you tell her about my curse? She seems like a powerful witch. Maybe she could help break my spell." Antonio asked pleadingly.

"No…that woman is dangerous…if she finds out that you're actually a human, you and I are both screwed."

"But-"

"_Please, _Antonio. "

With Antonio tailing behind him, Lovino begrudgingly walked back into his castle. His escape plan was foiled and he was stuck here.

The Italian prince got a sick feeling in his stomach that he just signed a death contract.

He just hoped he will survive this visit. The last thing he wanted was to have Elizaveta monitoring his every move or finding out about Antonio.

0.o.0.o.0.

_I'm no "Al." I'm Alfred F. Jones of the New World._

Alfred traced the rim of his glass with a finger languidly. He sighed. This was not the hero work he had in mind when he decided to start a new life here…His thoughts floated to his beloved half brother, really wondered how he was doing. He bit his lip. Was he selfish for forcing Matthew to act as prince in his place that day?

Alfred shook his head. No…he was totally not selfish…He forced Matthew to take his position because he knew how much Matthew envied him.

"_Oh, Alfred…if there's anyone who I want to be like in this world, it would be you…Everyone loves and notices you…I'm just an illegitimate child…who is not worthy of any throne…I can only stand by your side, acting as your most loyal servant."_

He remembered Matthew saying. If anything, Matthew would be more of a prince than he was. He was more fitted for being a hero anyway.

_Liar…You did it because you didn't want to marry. _

Alfred squeezed his eyes shut and slammed a fist into the wooden table to suppress that evil thought.

_You did it because you didn't want to marry an ugly and old British dude…_

No, it wasn't true! He did it…for Matthew.

_You took advantage of Matthew's looks…you selfishly forced him into an arranged marriage that neither you nor he wanted._

"Well…it's only a political marriage…I just didn't want to be tied down to some ugly British dude…Matthew should be fine…At least, he has the life he wants now. He's a prince now, maybe even a king now too." Alfred whispered to himself, taking a huge gulp of his drink and willing the evil thoughts away.

He looked around the tavern. It was filled with happy Italians drinking and lounging with giggling prostitutes. Alfred could pick up some Italian in the place. He had learned a bit after hearing that instead of calling his place, the New World, Italians called it, "America." Quite frankly, Alfred liked the name, America, better. It had a better ring to it than the "New World." Yeah…

"Well, since I'm here, I might as well start sniffing out for evil. Gotta be a hero and protect this place too!" Alfred grinned to himself before looking around in the tavern. It wasn't long before his eyes zeroed in on a rather suspicious looking pair huddled over at a table. They had black cloaks on…they must be dangerous…

Suspecting something was going on, Alfred nonchalantly moved from his table to a closer one to spy on them. He strained his ears to hear their conversation.

"Mon dieu, Sourcils! Look where you got us at! Because you messed up, we ended up in a filthy tavern bathroom!" said one of them. He sounded French.

"Just be bloody glad that we're in South Italy! In the poor and filthy part but at least, it's Italy!" scowled the other. He sounded British.

"Well, now, we can't take this stupid cloak off!" hissed the French one. "It's so ugly!"

"You know fully well that if we take our cloaks off…someone will know that we are actually…" the British one trailed off. "Knowing some of the poor people here…we'll get attacked or mugged or something. We'd be outnumbered…"

Alfred's ears perked up. Oh…they're spies from an enemy country. The blond immediately smirked. It's hero time.

"Come on, Francis. Let's go. We have to get to Lovino's place, somehow." The British one stood up, beckoning the other to follow him.

However, before the two spies could leave, Alfred heroically intercepted them. The blond plopped himself at the table and grinned a bit too cheerfully. He could feel the two spies gazing at him warily.

"Yo, nice tavern, right?" he greeted cheerfully. A hero is always smooth before delivering justice.

He heard the British one snort. "I suppose. Come on, Francis. Ignore the drunkard and let's go."

Alfred snapped his head to the cloaked British spy. "I'm not drunk!"

"Of course, you aren't, love." The other replied sarcastically. "Let's go."

Alfred shot a threatening look at the Frenchman, prompting him to sit down stiffly. He could hear the Frenchman muttered something about getting mugged or robbed by rogues.

"What do you want?" the British one asked, clearly irritated.

Alfred grinned darkly at them. "I know who you two are…"

He could hear a gasp from the French spy but heard nothing from the British spy.

The British spy cleared this throat. "Well, that's an honor…We are quite famous around here. We're…sea traders. We travel around the world, selling and trading goods."

"Liar. You're going to see Lovino." Alfred answered happily. Yeah, the hero knows it all! A hero always needs a smooth, if not grand, entrance. He's already kicking ass! Mentally, too!

The British one opened his mouth to speak but quickly closed it. He clenched his fists. "You were eavesdropping…"

"Of course, as a hero, I look out for anyone who is suspicious. You two are. You're not from here." Alfred heard the French one curse and insult the other. "I heard of people like you. I know you can't attack me here…You're outnumbered, as you said before." He grinned, eagerly cracking his knuckles.

The British spy growled and slowly sat back down, patting his pockets. Alfred could see the spy appraising his body build and looking for a way to escape. He internally laughed in glee when the spy bit his lip in frustration. Oh yeah, he's so strong that the spies are going to have one hell of a time taking him down!

Yeah, point one for the hero!

"Oi…" the British man spoke after a pregnant moment of silence.

"Yeah?" Alfred answered happily. Oh, this was just too easy! The blond could just picture it…He was going to beat the crap out of these assholes….toss them out the tavern, hero-style….and tell Lovino…see Lovino's priceless expression…and-

"Mmph!" Alfred's train of thought was broken when he suddenly found his lips occupied by the other's.

The sudden movement of the Brit's actions threw the cloak's hood slightly back to reveal the spy's face. Alfred was welcomed to a sight of smoldering emerald eyes and-holy shit, those eyebrows were huge!

Alfred didn't really know what really happened after that. Seconds seemed like hours. His mind went totally blank. He vaguely aware that the Brit's green eyes were literally _peering _into his soul. That, and _holy shiyet_, this guy was a _really, really, really _good kisser. He definitely did not shudder when the spy was orally raping his mouth. When the two separated, Alfred could see a fine string of saliva between them. He stared at the British spy, clearly speechless. The spy wiped his mouth and smirked, leaning in to blow on his left ear hotly for a moment.

Even when the spy put his hood back on and got up to leave with the other, Alfred was still staring at the place where Brit occupied.

One minute passed, Alfred realized they were gone.

Two minutes passed, Alfred realized that he lost them.

Three minutes passed, Alfred realized the following things:

One, that British guy had a rather nice pair of lady lips and was _really_ skilledwith his tongue.

Two, he had really pretty eyes.

Three, he did not even know his name.

Four minutes passed, Alfred thumped his head on the table and groaned in frustration.

He realized that he had just totally found his enemy really hot. A total violation of his hero code.

Fuck.

0.o.0.o.0.

"So…" Francis drawled out in that tone that Arthur absolutely hated.. "What was that about?"

Arthur glowered at him and kicked the ground. "Well, I couldn't exactly punch or kick him or something. He'd either one, chase after us and beat us both up or two, would not exactly be affected. He looked fairly strong. Plus, he seemed to have more mass on his body than in his brain."

"So, you kissed him?"

"It's one of my oldest and cheapest tricks of escaping the authorities when I was on my sea voyages." Arthur stated matter-of-factly. "Always stuns my capturers. Every time. He won't be pursuing us now…stupid peasant rogue."

"Pirate days?" Francis sighed.

"Correct. I would have used a dagger to slit his throat quietly instead but…I unfortunately did not have one on me at the moment. And using a pistol would attract too much attention, of course."

Francis chuckled in amusement. "Ah, you were always a pervert, weren't you, mon cher?"

"Shut up," Arthur sighed and pinched his brow. "I must have really become weak…Not even carrying a knife with me anymore? Being a gentleman must have really made me soft. How I missed those days as an adventurer…"

Francis snorted as he noticed his friend reminiscing about his old pirate days. "Well, that man was rather good looking, no?"

Arthur snickered. "I'm sure he was."

"Didn't you see his face? He was practically drooling over you."

"So did many of the people I've kissed before."

"And you have the nerve to insult me whenever I flirt with someone?"

"Frog, I seduce for practical reasons. You seduce because you can't keep it in your pants."

"Huh….all this time, I thought you never really showed an interest in anyone because you can't get it up." Francis remarked dryly. Arthur snapped his head towards him and punched him in the shoulder. "I love you too, my dear Arthur."

"Go die, wanker."

The Frenchman laughed haughtily, winking at a group of Italian girls they passed and ignoring Arthur's noise of disgust. He turned back to the Englishman and paused in thought. "Hey, Sourcils, was it just me or did the guy you kissed looked like Alfred?"

The English king stopped as well. "Huh…in a way I suppose. Well, you treat as if I'm going to see the stupid wanker again."

The two men laughed boisterously. Not realizing how true their words were.

0.o.0.o.0.

"So, I trust that you three are doing well?" Elizaveta asked courteously, dabbing her mouth with a napkin like a lady. Feliciano replied with an enthusiastic nod and a long rant of "why Luddy is so adorable." Ludwig's eyes bored holes into his pasta plate, wishing for something or someone to end him now. Lovino was sulking.

"Ah, that's good. And Lovino," Lovino's head turned to her reluctantly. "anyone caught your eye recently?"

"No." Lovino replied flatly. Think of purple elephants. Think of purple elephants. Think of something totally repulsive to throw her off…like…like the potato bastard in a dress….

Oh god..eugh!

His eyes!

Elizaveta frowned as she saw Lovino's face twist up as if he had eaten a bad tomato. The woman did not expect that. She sighed before deciding to attack again. "So, what's with the frog? Are you so lonely that you need a frog for company?"

The frog turned to look at her and looked like he was about to say something but ate the tomato silently instead.

Lovino forced a laugh. "I'm just not looking for a relationship right now." Think of rabbits…turtles….

Then, he heard a soft whimper from Antonio. It sounded like a kicked puppy.

Elizaveta's eyes snapped to the frog. "Did that frog…just whimpered?"

Lovino feigned a look of confusion. "What? You're probably just imagining it."

"Lovino, you're acting rather suspicious about this frog."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

The Hungarian paused for a moment and gazed at the frog who merely focused on eating the tomato. Her woman intuition was sensing something fishy.

She laid her arm on the table, revealing her palm to Lovino's…"pet." She did not miss the warning look that Lovino shot at the frog. However, the animal jumped on her palm anyway. She brought to her chest and examined it. It looked…pretty normal? No, there was something slightly off about it.

"Why does this frog eat tomatoes? Don't frogs eat flies?"

"Well, he's a rather special kind of frog…"

"Oh, really…?" The Hungarian narrowed her eyes before setting the frog down. She searched in Lovino's hazel eyes for any hint of lying. She bit her lip internally when she saw that his eyes were not giving any sign of lying. In fact, it seemed he was thinking about something else. Like turtles. "Hey, Lovino, there was also another reason why I'm here."

"Uh…what's that?" he asked in a careless manner.

"Roderich was rather alarmed after finding out that an old acquaintance of his suddenly disappeared."

"Sucks to be him."

Elizaveta examined her nails nonchalantly, ignoring Lovino's clueless look. "As you probably already know, it's Antonio of Spain."

"Ah, I heard about his disappearance."

Elizaveta's eyes gazed at him in a challenging manner. "Sources also say that he's somewhere here. Roderich does not trust Arthur or Francis unfortunately so he sent me to track Antonio down."

She smirked as she saw a brief flash of panic cross the Italian's face. "I don't know about you but…I really believe he's here. Do you want to know why?"

Lovino gulped, suddenly having trouble swallowing his dinner. "…why?"

The Hungarian took out her frying pan in a casual manner. "You see, Lovino, this was a wedding gift from my dear Roderich. He took this pan to Arthur in hopes that the pan would be charmed to make a perfect meal every time it was used. But…it did something else instead."

"…what is that?"

Lovino suppressed the urge to scream like a little girl when he saw the shit-eating grin the Hungarian now wore. "It's a magic mirror, Lovino."

"W-what does that have to do with anything?"

"It shows me anything that I want it to show me for a brief moment," she replied. "So, this is my question. Why is it when I say, 'Show me Antonio Fernandez Carriedo,' it shows me…"

The steel bottom of her frying pan suddenly became murky until it revealed an image of Antonio…in frog form on the table. Right in front of them. Elizaveta stared at Lovino. "…this."

Lovino dropped the tomato he was eating in disbelief.

"Vee~ There's Big Brother Toni!" Feliciano piped up cheerfully, clearly missing all the tension in the room. Ludwig raised his eyes slightly in surprise.

Noting his shocked expression, Elizaveta smiled triumphantly. She decided to go a bit further. "Oh…and Lovino? Did you know that the king of Spain was voted 'sexiest man of the year' by polls two years ago? Jeez….I wonder if my frying pan can show me Antonio's human form…"

The Southern Italian prince watched in horror as the frying pan quickly revealed an all too familiar looking tan man. The very same naked man that occupied his bed a few days ago.

"Hey, that's me!" Antonio suddenly cried out.

Lovino paled.

Elizaveta threw Lovino a feral grin, rubbing her hands together in anticipation. "Well, it's about time you told me the story about you and Antonio…or should I say, 'The Italian and the Frog?'"

/

So, yay, Hungary has appeared and I just threw in the first USUK action. Next chapter, Spain will regain his human form. FOR SURE. Hungary will make sure of that.

To make up for the four weeks I missed last time, I made this chapter twice as long.

I'd like to thank the following: _QuartzWillow, Mungetsu, Catsdon'tcry, NoWhereToCallHome, Lumoa, Unknown Variable, Crazy4animeCouples, Inya, Bookworm24601._

Special thanks to the people who replied to my replies: _Catsdon'tcry _and _NoWhereToCallHome_.

You guys are all awesome!

And so, Francis is single and will remain as a player. Wow, those are some pretty legitimate reasons of why Prussia is awesome.

**Question: **If Switzerland or Austria had a million bucks, what would they do with it? What happens if Prussia ambushes Austria and steals those million bucks? Cuz you know…he totally would, just to be an ass.

**Reviews make me smile like an idiot and update faster. REVIEW!**


	6. Chapter 6

Okay, first things first, I know…I LIED. T^T I'm uber sorry for being so late with this chapter. I hate being late with chapters too. Hopefully, you're not like those demanding people who totally chew out authors who update late. So, my excuse this time is that…I suffered from writer's block and got lazy. That is probably the worst and most insulting excuse ever but hey, it's the truth. I apologize.

AN: Oh my gosh, wow…I didn't expect that USUK moment to have a big impact from the last chapter. I thought it would be more like Hungary or something. Well, not that I mind. I like USUK too.

On another note, I do not like this chapter. Bleh. I call this the plot progression chapter.

Warning: Traces of OOC, rushed/choppy chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or any fairy tales.

/

Well, this was just fantastic.

Lovino really thought he had more will and backbone.

Then again, it's Elizaveta so he should not have expected much.

"Aww…that was such a cute story, Lovino. It's like your romance was just out of a fairytale!" Elizaveta cooed sweetly, poking a pale Lovino in the cheek.

Somehow, in the span of one hour filled with torture that included squished tomatoes and a five volume set of books, titled, _Observations and Analysis of the Beauty of Homoerotic Love_, Lovino found himself bound to a chair ("Bonding spell, Lovino, one of my kinkiest spells~!"), trembling like a scared sissy. He ended up spilling everything to Elizaveta, eager to put an end to the torture that she had been imposing on him.

Antonio was somewhere on the table, lying unconscious…or possibly dead.

….

Wait, never mind. Antonio's right foot twitched. That was a sign.

Tomato trauma does wonders to Spanish frogs.

It was only this type of situation where Lovino was thankful to the potato bastard. At least, the bastard was smart enough to take Feliciano out of the room when Elizaveta started to read aloud the first volume of her set.

However, the Southern Italian prince was pretty sure that at least ninety percent of his mind had been traumatized and raped ruthlessly and that he was in dire need of soap to wash out his ears and eyes or some type of spell that could reverse time so he never learned about…well, the ghastly things that Elizaveta mentioned…

…It almost seemed impossible of how that one guy could arch so far up with the other guy pounding into…

Ew.

And the woman expects him to do that with Antonio?

Hell no.

It's physically impossible anyway.

…right?

Considering how Elizaveta was one of the most powerful magical beings in Europe (even Arthur respected her. Though, Lovino suspected that it was a little bit out of fear.), the Southern Italian wouldn't really put the feat of turning him spineless above her.

It would be an understatement to say that Lovino was worried.

"Roderich did ask me to see if I could help Antonio…" Elizaveta announced mischievously, drumming her fingers in anticipation. "And help him, I shall…"

Seeing the twisted sparkle in the Hungarian's eyes gave Lovino the affirmation that his life was seriously screwed.

0.o.0.o.0. (I wanted to try out this new narrative style. Hint: the paragraphs alter between Arthur and Francis. It should be easy to identify the speakers.)

_Today was probably one of Arthur Kirkland's shittiest days. He did not like his life today._

_Neither did Francis Bonnefoy._

_Mostly Arthur, though. He had legitimate reasons to abhor his life. The French bastard didn't._

_Francis would beg to differ though._

_Anyway, as one may be wondering, for what reason should a handsome and gentlemanly king, the king of England no less, should be miserable with his life at the moment?_

_One may think he is a total pessimistic ass with giant eyebrows. _

_But, alas, Arthur was not a "total pessimistic ass" though. He and his shitty frenemy got lost in Sicily and ended up meandering around the city for three hours._

_So, Ugly Arthur of EyebrowLand and Francis Bonnefoy of France, otherwise known as the country of love, was stuck, asking for directions like a pair of clueless commoners._

_Arthur would have saved them the trouble of walking around the city by using a teleporting spell but, SOMEONE broke his magic chalk._

_That SOMEONE was not only gorgeous but also smart. Smart enough to get rid of a dangerous weapon that its incompetent owner cannot control._

_Though Arthur did not mention names, a certain Frenchman was a bastard. They were only lucky enough to somehow find their way into the richer and more refined part of the city-the center. _

_The rather fashionable Francis Bonnefoy was pleased that he was able to take the horrible pieces of cloth that a certain bushy-browed ass called "fashion."_

_Arthur was just glad that no one would try to rob them here. However, the brave English king was not lucky enough to avoid the inevitable when his French bastard comrade got horny over a pair of girls that the Englishman stopped to ask for directions._

_Arthur, however, was cursed with a lack of sense for aesthetics and could not see what his rather tasteful and clearly superior friend could see. The two young girls were beautiful._

_However, though they were "beautiful" (quite frankly, they eerily looked like female versions of Lovino and Feliciano), one of them was…ahem, very prone to reacting quite violently when being flirted with. Though, Arthur knew the lady had quite a good reason to be violent._

_The women were very helpful to say the least. The rather…frisky kitten's sister was very sweet and gave the ugly Englishman and the sexy Frenchman directions while holding her fiery sister back._

_The accomplishment of getting directions did have a bonus though. Arthur was pleasantly surprised when one of the women (he believed it to be "Lovina"….the hell?) started screaming away at Francis's ugly and perverted face and ended her angry rant with a beautifully loud and satisfying slap on said face._

_Nevertheless, it was more of a price for directions. Francis was very forgiving to women. The mademoiselle was just shy and did not know how to react to the advances of an attractive man like Francis Bonnefoy._

_Arthur Kirkland would beg to differ at the statement but the sight of a red handprint on Francis's face made the Englishman satisfied enough to hold his tongue. The two knew that they were expected at Lovino's castle so they hurried on. _

_The two kings reached Lovino's castle quickly and went to the gate guards to announce their presences. However, the guards stopped and refused to let them pass. For the English king's bushy eyebrows were so big that the Italian guards mistook them for giant caterpillars and became terrified._

_The idiotic guards were not scared of such thing. In fact, they did not let the two kings pass because they were so dull that they could not recognize their royal presences and instead, labeled them as intruders and stupidly attacked them._

_Francis Bonnefoy of France was just an innocent bystander when Arthur Kirkland of England subsequently succumbed to his suppressed pirate instincts and took out the whole squadron of guards effortlessly with only a handle of a stolen sword and a beer bottle in response._

_Francis Bonnefoy is also a bloody coward._

_Though he may have been a…"coward," he was not the Englishman to get his derriere kicked by an unexpected visitor. A certain blue-eyed blond beauty they have ran into at a tavern. He had tackled poor Sourcils to the ground and swept him off his feet with his toned muscular arms and-_

"He was not a 'certain blue-eyed blond beauty.' For the record, I felt like I was hit by a speeding carriage. And so, that's how we got here and that's why the guards are down." Arthur sighed, wincing as the sturdy rope bounding his and Francis's wrists and legs together dug into his pale skin. His sides were aching. "There is _no _conspiracy. There are _no _elaborate spy groups planning to start a so-called ambush. _Nobody _is planning to assassinate Lovino, though I can name many who do. We were lost, not 'secretly rallying up Anti-Italian support.' That's it."

"HA! Likely story, evil spies!" barked the energetic blond in front of them.

"Who the bloody hell are you anyway?" Arthur sneered, trying to act as menacing as he can.

"I am Al and I am a hero who fights for his friends against villains like you!" Al proclaimed in a prideful fashion, thumping his chest.

Al had managed to take down Arthur and tie both him and Francis up, interrogating them about their _villainous _motives.

On a somewhat unrelated note, you see, earlier, Al had formed a heroic plan.

He hurried back to Lovino's castle and decided to ambush the spies there. After waiting for about two and half hours hanging around the gate bushes in hiding (It must've been a test. A hero must have patience as a virtue. But, sheesh, what took these spies so damn long?), the people he was keeping watch for finally appeared.

Like any other wise hero, he waited until all the guards were knocked out before making his grand entrance in the spectacular fashion of tackling one of them to the ground from behind.

Al was very much happy that his plan bored fruit splendidly. Now, he was standing over his captives in Lovino's tomato garden, a neverending maze where they will not be disturbed.

Arthur and Francis shifted awkwardly, trying to break out of their binds.

"Huh, so your names are Arthur Kirkland and Francis Bonnefoy….those are the names of the kings of England and France. There's proof that your stories are fake!" For some reason, Al made a funny face at the name, "Arthur Kirkland."

"That's because we ARE the kings of England and France. Besides, what position are you to talk of Lovino in a casual manner? You're not even royalty!" Arthur yelled back, frustrated.

"I'll have you know that I am the pr-best bud of Lovino! That's not royalty but it's damn close." Al responded.

Arthur had no idea if this was another of Al's crazy delusions or just a bluff.

The man was batshit insane.

"Gods, then why can't you take us to Lovino, you git?" Arthur asked, deciding to play along to see if the talk would get him anywhere. He was clearly irritated at the fact that he was arguing with an idiot. "He's bound to recognize us."

"And let you have the chance to slit his throat? No way!"

It was at this moment that Arthur really wanted a pistol to shoot himself out of his misery.

Then again, being tied up to a disgusting French frog while being confronted by an idiot with super strength wasn't his ideal place of dying.

"Look, we've been here for an hour! You can take the weapons off of me! Just take me to Lovino! He'll know!" Arthur yelled out desperately, hoping he could get through this odd man's stupidity. He was the king of England! Kings should not have to deal with this kind of crap!

"You managed to take me down without a weapon. You're dangerous." Al frowned, shaking his head.

"What are you talking about?" Arthur asked tiredly. Clearly, his captor's stupidity was wearing him down.

"That trick you did at the bar." Al answered, blushing profusely. He rubbed the nape of his neck sheepishly.

It only took the English king a moment to know what Al was talking about. Arthur internally chuckled and scoffed mockingly at Al's childish reaction. "Rest assured, young hero. I don't kiss people that often. What, do you think I have cooties or something of the sort?"

Al glared and approached him, towering over him menacingly. "I'll have you know that I'm nineteen."

"And I'm twenty three. You sure do not act like your age. Really, calling yourself a hero now?" Arthur sneered, trying to suppress that tiny fear in the back of his mind that Al might hit him. Suffering a body blow like that made Arthur realize that he underestimated the man's potential danger.

"_Mon dieu_, Arthur, shut up! He is going to hit you-us- at this rate." Francis cried out. "Al, you are a very charming hero and we regret the fact that we underestimate your strength but please, we mean no harm. We are not spies and please…listen to Arthur. Take us to Lovino, surely he will know!" Francis tried to ask in a reasonable tone.

Al pretended to contemplate about the decision. "Hmm…how bout….no. You have to tell me who sent you guys here."

The two captured kings wished for someone, _anyone_, to save them from this psychopath.

Miraculously, the two's wish was answered. Lady Fate was decidedly not on PMS today. Something that Arthur and Francis were grateful for.

"Vee~Luddy, I heard voices over here!"

"For the last time, Feliciano, tomatoes do not talk. They-Lord Arthur, Lord Francis, why are you…oh."

"Hey there, Ludwig! Dude, I just captured some spies!"

"…"

"Wow, you look so pale and speechless. That awed of my heroic prowess, huh?"

"Vee~! Look, it's Big Brother Francis!"

"Uh….Al?"

"What, dude?"

"Al…these two are not…spies."

"Huh, of course, they are-"

"No, the men you have tied up are Arthur Kirkland of England and Francis Bonnefoy of France. Lovino had been expecting them to come today."

"…Did they brainwash you?"

"Al…trust me on this but…I will say this again, you have the kings of England and France tied up at your feet."

"They're…kings?"

"Yes, Al, they are."

"…say _WHAT_?"

0.o.0.o.0.

Lovino was crying. Inside. To be accurate, he was sobbing uncontrollably. Inside.

For the past thirty minutes, Elizaveta was trying to force him to kiss Antonio. It was only by the sheer power of will that Lovino managed to evade every attempt she made to force his lips to meet Antonio's.

That deserved an award or some accomplishment.

Lovino was pretty sure he had a small balding spot on the top of his head from the amount of pulling Elizaveta was doing .

It was not the worst torture method she used but it was clearly on the top of the list.

"KISS HIM!" she screamed. "The fact that you have a smooth talking frog who is male and really human, more importantly, male, as a pet is true love!"

"How the fuck is that true love?"

"HE'S MALE!"

"That has nothing to do with anything!"

"But it's _Antonio! _By the laws of _Homoerotic Love_, a cute tsundere uke, that's you, is supposed to break the curse of a hot seme-that's Antonio-by kissing him and passionately making love on this very floor…or the table if you prefer that. It's fairytale _CANON!_"

This woman was seriously starting to scare him. The saliva dribbling on her chin as if she was frothing was not helping either. "Come on…I'm in my zone now, Lovino!"

"…That's what I was worried about." Lovino muttered. "The delusional…illogical…uncontrolled…side of-"

"Kiss the damn frog already!"

"No, stop it! I don't wanna kiss a dead frog!" Lovino cried out hysterically, trembling and turning his face away from Antonio who was now waking up from unconsciousness.

Lovino figured it was because of the high frequency of Elizaveta's voice.

"Damn it, Lovi, you know you want to kiss him! KISS HIS DAMN LIPS! Wait, do frogs have lips?"

Yeah, it was definitely the voice.

"Wha…Lovi, what's wrong? And why am I here? Que pasó?" Antonio asked blearily, trying to adjust to his surroundings as if he just woke up.

"I'm being assaulted by a psychotic monster and- oh gods, oh gods, LEGGO! SHE GOT ME BY THE-mmph!" Lovino's desperate rant was cut off when Elizaveta took advantage of his momentary distraction and grabbed a fistful of his hair (thankfully missed the curl) and mashed his face against Antonio who was equally surprised by her action.

It was not the most graceful romantic kisses, in fact, it was sloppy and sort of disgusting but nevertheless, Antonio received the lip-to-lip contact he needed from Lovino to change, if his subsequent strangled gasp was anything to go by.

Surprised, Elizaveta dropped Antonio on the floor. The frog didn't seem to notice the drop as he was busy curling up into his body, trying to steel himself against the uncomfortable transformation.

Antonio's limbs started to turn into human ones. His neck, head, and torso soon followed.

Lovino stared at Antonio in wonder as the frog began to morph into a human, too incredulous to make any snide remarks.

After what seemed to be a long time, the transformation was done and Antonio uncurled off the floor.

The transformation was done.

Then, Lovino realized Antonio was naked.

Unfortunately, so did Elizaveta.

Who was drooling.

Antonio slowly got up, exposing everything in front of Lovino, who turned his head away in embarrassment, and Elizaveta who was still busy giggling over him. He held his head tiredly before cracking his neck. "Mi cabeza…it throbs."

"Ah, must be spell aftereffects, huh? It'll wear off." Elizaveta chuckled. "So, how do you feel?"

"Taller. Más grande." Antonio stretched his limbs, flexing his lean muscles in a relaxed and relieving manner, clearly oblivious to the Hungarian's fixated stare.

"Well, of course, it's expected." The Hungarian answered goodnaturedly. "Ah, it is wonderful to meet you, Antonio, well in human form, that is. I can see why you won the award of being the sexiest man of the year before."

Antonio blinked his green eyes blearily at her and ruffled his brown hair before laughing sheepishly. "Ah, well thank you. I do try to stay fit."

It was a wonder of how casual Antonio could be when he was naked in front of other people.

Not that Elizaveta seemed to mind.

Suddenly, Lovino cleared his throat embarrassedly, still looking away.

The now human Spanish king turned away from the queen of Hungary to face Lovino and immediately started cooing over him and unfortunately, walking towards him too. "Aww, you're shorter than me. You seem way more petite and cuter when I see you at a human's point."

The Italian prince flushed, trying not to look down as Antonio kneeled down and tried to poke his cheeks. "Umm..uh.."

"Aww, you two are so adorable." Elizaveta commented, clearly taking delight in the whole situation. The brunette made a heart sign with her hands, framing the pair.

"Lovi…" Antonio sighed, massaging Lovino's cheeks lovingly.

Lovino hated the way how Antonio's warm Spanish accented voice and passionate and loving gaze made his insides melt. It was disgusting. It made him feel like giggling like a young maid.

"So…are you…are you going to take this spell off me?" Lovino asked, turning to Elizaveta, trying to ignore Antonio's caresses.

"Huh? Oh sure. It's probably impossible for you to get screwed when your ass is on a chair." With a snap of her fingers, Lovino found himself able to move his limbs and stand up.

When the prince stood up, he realized just how short he was compared to Antonio. He only came up to the guy's chin. "Damn it, why the hell are you so fucking tall?"

"Aww, so adorable!" Antonio answered, ignoring Lovino's angry comment about his height. Then, he promptly hugged him, taking the other by surprise.

"CLOTHES!" Lovino yelled frantically, pushing him away immediately and avoiding the Spaniard's eyes or any part of him for that matter. "Damn it, you need clothes! You can't just walk around here nude!"

Don't look at the hot sexy body.

No matter how good it feels.

It is evil.

You will die if you touch it, Lovino.

REMEMBER, LOVINO, HIS ABS MEAN NOTHING! NOTHING!

Repeating these mantras in his head and ignoring Elizaveta's cry of "Yes, he can!" Lovino stood his ground bravely, willing himself not to ogle the man. Antonio blinked in astonishment, as if realizing he was nude at the moment. "Oh, sí! I forgot about that! Do you have clothes I can borrow, Lovi?"

"Umm…uh…" Lovino's eyes searched everywhere fleetingly, except Antonio. Luckily, it was at that moment that one of his servants opened and came into the room cautiously.

"Your Majesty? I heard the commotion died down and I was just…oh." The silver haired servant stared at Antonio for a moment before shaking his head slightly, chalking the man up as a sick product of his king's twisted guest. 'Should I leave?"

Lovino walked briskly towards him and addressed in a serious voice, raising his head up slightly to meet his tall servant's face. "Kiru…do you think that you and that man are around the same body size?"

The servant, Kiru, glanced at the man and then to himself. "…I suppose so, your Majesty."

"Good. Take that man and uh…let him borrow some of your clothes." Lovino ordered, slipping the servant a coin from one of his pockets.

Kiru raised a pensive eyebrow in doubt. "Sir, are you saying that I am supposed to take that naked man through the halls and-"

"Oh, Kiru , is that you?" Elizaveta called out. "Did you take Raso yet? I just know you two would-"

"Of course, Your Majesty." Kiru responded curtly without further question. He quickly approached Antonio and took him by the arm out of the room, eager to get away from Elizaveta as quickly as possible.

A couple minutes later, much to Lovino's relief and Elizaveta's dismay, Antonio returned fully clothed in a cotton white shirt and black pants. Though Lovino hated to admit it, the Spaniard made servant clothes look good.

A few minutes later, Ludwig and Feliciano returned, along with Al and two kings that Lovino had been expecting to come by today. Arthur Kirkland of England and Francis Bonnefoy of France.

'Vee~! Missed us, fratello?" Feliciano asked sweetly, leaving the side a rather peevish looking Ludwig to tackle his brother into a hug. The North Italian looked to his side to see Antonio sitting at the dining table and immediately lit up. "Wah, it's Big Brother Toni!"

"Get the hell off of me, Feli!" Lovino snarled, trying to claw his way out of Feliciano's tight grip. He turned to Arthur, Francis, and Al. "The hell took you bastards so long?"

For some bizarre reason, Arthur was holding his side, limping slightly, while Francis was rubbing his wrists as if he suffered from some rope burns.

After being a victim of chaos from Elizaveta, Lovino remained calm and unaffected.

However, what surprised the Southern Italian the most was the rather troubled expression on Al's face. It was as if Al had realized that he was not a hero and just some pathetic loser without a life. Or some unexpected truth. The blond looked as if he was deep in thought. If the fact that he was silent for once served as any indication.

It was for this reason that Lovino started snickering. "So…what happened?"

"It is a long story. We were delayed…a bit tied up in some difficult ordeal." Arthur answered uneasily, watching Al wearily. "But we're here now."

"What…you know what? So much crap happened today, I'm not even going to ask." Lovino sighed, letting his shoulders fall. He grudgingly let Feliciano cling happily to his side.

Damn it, his brother smelled like fucking potatoes.

"Ah, Francis, is that you?" Antonio called out, standing up from his chair and hurrying to Francis's side. "Oh, how I missed you so!"

"Antonio…" Francis stared in shock and trailed off, trying to process what he was seeing before his eyes. "You're…you're human!"

"Ahahaha! Sí, yo sé! I know, Francis! Isn't it wonderful? Though for some reason, I turned back into a frog." Antonio responded back, hugging a Francis who was too shocked to react.

Arthur widened his eyes in disbelief and walked briskly to Antonio, inspecting and poking him. "But…but that's impossible! Is this an illusion?"

Elizaveta step forward to the trio. "Arthur, I quite assure you, this is no illusion."

Arthur and Francis snapped their heads toward Elizaveta and tipped their heads to her in greeting. "Elizaveta, how would you know that?"

"Because I saw him change here before my eyes." Elizaveta answered in a firm manner. "Antonio really did change back."

"But…my book…it says that…" Arthur quickly took out his book and flipped through it, looking for the page frantically. "…Are…are you his true love?"

"No, I am not. I am quite happy being with Roderich, thank you very much. "Elizaveta said, a bit insulted that anyone would question her chemistry with Roderich. She let out a dreamy sigh . "True love…I knew it. Anyway, Antonio did really turn back to a human. I'm serious."

"Vee!~ It's true! This is the second time! He was all tan and naked!" Feliciano spoke up cheerfully and then being subsequently hushed by Ludwig.

"Arthur, I can second that statement." Ludwig spoke calmly. "Feliciano, Lovino, and I were all witnesses."

"Well, I am certainly-Aha, Francis, that tickles!" Antonio laughed as Francis felt his torso from behind.

The Frenchman smirked and squeezed casually. "It certainly feels like Antonio. Maybe your book is defective. Like you."

Arthur spluttered angrily and shoved the book under Antonio and Francis's noses. "See? Look, it says you need the love kiss of your true love to break the spell."

Lovino immediately choked and launched into an angry rant. "I'm not his true love! I don't even-"

He was immediately cut off after Elizaveta waved her hand in a gesture to zip his lips. Lovino let out a muffled scream as he tried to open his lips.

"Well, that does explain why the spell isn't broken yet…" Antonio frowned, not exactly understanding the Latin writings that Arthur shoved in his face. His face turned into a sorrowful one. "Lovino does not love me."

After Elizaveta shot him a harsh glare, intimidated, Lovino sat back down in his chair, pouting sulkily.

"What does Lovino have to do with anything?" Arthur asked, raising a confused eyebrow.

"Well, when I kissed Lovino, I turned into a human." Antonio responded happily. "He had such soft lips."

Lovino stood up in rage and embarrassment and it was only by Feliciano's hug therapy intervention that the Southern Italian prince was forced to sit his ass back down on the chair.

Both Francis and Arthur looked at Antonio then at each other in dead silence. "…._WHAT?"_

Somewhere up in the skies, Lady Fate was laughing her ass off at the irony.

"Mein Gott…the more I stay in this place….the more it feels like an European conference meeting again." Ludwig sighed tiredly again, massaging his brow.

"Well, this is just bloody fantastic." Arthur grumbled, crossing his arms. "How the hell did you find out that Lovino was your true love anyway?"

"Yes, Antonio, are you sure Lovino is your 'true love?' Please, how did you…" Francis tugged on Antonio's arm, as if pleading for the Spaniard to tell them that this was all just a big joke.

"Me and Lovi's story came out of a fairytale!" Antonio answered brightly.

"Huh?"

"I am a prince and Lovi is my princess! He's just as cute, sweet, and dainty as one!" Antonio proclaimed shamelessly. "I love him to bits!"

Arthur and Francis looked at each other and frowned. "…what?"

It took all of Feliciano's strength to hold back his brother from tearing Antonio's head off. And ripping his body to shreds. And skewering the pieces on a kabob stick. Or anything disgusting like that.

"I'm the Frog Prince!" Antonio went on.

"Antonio, that cannot be true. If anyone is a frog, it's Francis."

"Oh dear, Antonio, mon ami, what are you saying? You are not making any sense!"

It was at this point that Elizaveta intervened and step between the trio. "Hey, why don't we all sit down and talk this out? Why does it matter of how Antonio found out that Lovino is his true love? What matters is that Lovino IS his Antonio's beloved. The fact that he standing among us as a human because of Lovino is proof."

"But-" Arthur started.

"Granted that Antonio is a bit dull to find out that Lovino is his true love from a fairytale reference but hey, how does that information affect you now? I thought you people came here to help Antonio break his spell, not question his taste in men."

"We're not questioning his taste in-"

"Good. Now," Elizaveta smiled and patted Arthur on the shoulder heartily, ignoring his speechless stare. "Let's get to work, shall we? We have a spell to break and…what's with that guy?"

She pointed at Al who was now seated at the table, drumming his fingers mechanically on the wooden surface as if he was in a trance.

"Oh, that's…" Arthur trailed off before shooting a sour look in Al's direction. "You know what?" The English king suddenly forced a grin and clapped his hands enthusiastically. "We have a lot of work to do! I thought we can try breaking the spell faster if we can try to look for loopholes or other spells that might hasten the process of breaking this spell!"

Elizaveta looked at Arthur then at Al who was muttering something about a king, a boat, and his brother before shooting the Englishman a weird look. She decided to prod about that later."Right. I suppose."

"Vee~, Big Sister Eliza, are you going to take off the zipper on Lovi's mouth?" Feliciano asked, gesturing to his brother who was still trying to claw at his mouth.

Elizaveta waved her hand off dismissively. "Oh, that spell will wear off in about an hour or so. Besides, from what I know about the spell, if Lovino displays any show of violence or enmity towards Antonio, Antonio turns back into a frog. I rather not run into the risk of verbal violence when Antonio and Lovino are in the same room. As much as Lovino's shows of unresolved sexual tension amuses me so."

"Oh." Feliciano yelped in surprise as Lovino shot up from his chair to let out a muffled sound of indignation. "Luddy, help!"

"Oh, Ludwig, you might want to take Lovino out of the room. We can't focus on the spell if he's too busy causing chaos." Elizaveta said, ignoring Lovino's frantic attempts to murder her.

The German prince grimaced and reluctantly walked towards Lovino, hoisting him up by the waist. He evaded the prince's angry and flailing arms as he carried him out of the room with his fiancé skipping behind him.

It must be noted that though Lovino's mouth was muffled, the people in the room could still hear muffled cries of agony and rage spill down the hallways.

"Now, gentlemen," she turned to face Arthur and Antonio and rubbed her hands in anticipation. "Let's get to work, shall we?"

Arthur and Antonio merely nodded in response.

/

Yes, Alfred is in shock right now. After all, not everyone experiences making out with your supposed arranged spouse in a tavern, attacking and calling him an evil spy, and being proved wrong on top of all that. Not the best way of introducing yourself to your arranged spouse.

As you guessed it, poor Alfred is suffering some pretty bad inner turmoil.

And hey, Antonio remained human for a decent amount of time! Kudos to Elizaveta's silence spell and Feliciano's effective hug therapy.

Anyway, I'd like to thank the following people for reviewing: _Mocha MintCocoa, Hatora Tomoen, Mungetsu, TooLazytoLogIn, Lumoa, Angel Mariee, Bookworm24601, rainbow world, Yazuki Ookami, Catsdon'tcry, NoWhereToCallHome, Snow-Taki, and Hiiiiii._

You guys are awesome as usual. And the following people who replied to my replies: _Bookworm24601,NoWhereToCallHome, Catsdon'tcry, Mungetsu, Lumoa, and Hatora Tomoen._

It's fun talking with you guys and I hope to continue doing that with you. :)

Anyway, review!

Random question (s) of the day: **Do you call Hungary Elizaveta or Elizabeta? Also, after Alfred and Arthur's story (it WILL be resolved. At some point.), would it be better to hear Feliciano and Ludwig's story or Gilbert and Matthew's first?**


	7. Chapter 7

So, it has been decided-PruCan is the next story arc. :)

On another note, it has been brought to my attention that I have not really gave a description of what my characters were wearing in the story (other than Lovino's potato infected shirt or Antonio's clothes from Kiru). All I have to say is…use your imagination. Although, I bet most of you picture Elizaveta in a green or black dress.

Warning: Contains insults about the French Revolution. Courtesy of England, cuz he hates anything French.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia. Just my OCs which only serve as minor plot devices. And Elizaveta's toys.

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Elizaveta and Arthur, two of the most powerful magical beings in the world, were stumped. They had no idea how to break Antonio's spell without using Lovino. Though, I bet most of you people already know that, considering Lovino's and Antonio's story would have ended a lot faster if they did find a solution.

So, the two magical beings along with the three others sat at the table, thinking. Mostly Elizaveta and Arthur were thinking, actually.

"I think we should…wait, no, that can't work." Elizaveta said dejectedly before twiddling her lightly singed fingers. "Why does the 'Frog Prince' spell have to be German…."

Arthur rubbed his own slightly burned fingers. "I know, Elizaveta. Of course…only GERMAN spells are the ones that produce aggressively protective spell recoil when someone attempts to break them illegally."

"I guess it really is true. You cannot break a spell without fulfilling its conditions. Only with curses, you can." Elizaveta sighed, dabbing some lotion onto her hands.

Earlier, Arthur and Elizaveta tried to break Antonio's spell by directing pure magical force in Antonio's direction. However, as if the spell could detect its own danger of being broken by something outside of its rules, Antonio's spell reflected back their offense spells two times as violent, leaving them with minor burn wounds from blocking the magic.

"Angry little spell, isn't it?" Arthur murmured, reading the details of Antonio's spell again and again. He stopped for a moment and sighed, addressing the cause of pressure on the top of his head. "Not to be a prat or anything but…could you kindly remove your arms from my head?"

"But I want to see what you're reading!" Al whined, not budging as he used Arthur's head as an armrest.

"Then, go sit next to Antonio." Arthur sighed, agitated. "I doubt you can help or read Latin anyway."

"Sí, amigo. There's an empty seat next me!" Antonio said kindly, gesturing to the empty chair on his left.

However, Al continued to stay put and merely shot him an accusatory glare. "I'm not sure if you guys suffer from memory loss but…do you not remember that Antonio just slapped me half an hour ago?"

Arthur raised his eyebrows in a nonchalant manner, slightly amused and bored. "Oh, that. Well, as far as I'm concerned, Antonio hardly holds a grudge against anyone."

"Dude, that guy is…" Al searched for the word. "A bit messed up, in the head."

Flashback

_Alfred sat at the table with his head down, trying to calm himself down and think of what a hero like himself would do in a situation like this. With the English king himself hating his guts, Alfred doubt there was a way to see Mattie in England without being shot by Arthur's guards on sight. He is really starting to regret his 'super awesome heroic switcheroo plan.' Damn it, this sucked._

"_Al, are you alright?" spoke a voice._

_Alfred languidly turned his head to see a Spanish man looking down at him in concern. "Huh?"_

"_Is everything fine, amigo?"_

_Well, at least, in this place, he seemed to have friends. Like this frog guy, for example. A bit too happy but a nice guy all around. Feliciano was pretty nice too, with his bubbliness and killer pasta. Ludwig was pretty chilled too. And Alfred was pretty sure that some part of Lovino's mind, a part that was not affected by that constant bitch stick up his ass, cared for him too._

_He smiled and gave Antonio a thumbs up. "Yeah, I think I'm good."_

"_So, you are happy again, amigo?"_

_Alfred frowned at the weirdly put question but gave a shrug. "Sure, I'm pretty happy right now."_

"_Bueno." With that, Alfred's head was suddenly roughly smacked to the side._

_Still, with a warm smile on his face, Antonio asked. "How do you feel now, amigo?"_

_Alfred held his now throbbing bitchslapped cheek. "Uh…."_

"_Do you still feel happy?"_

"_Uh…you just slapped me and my cheek is throbbing like a bitch….I don't think I'm that happy right now, dude." Alfred said in a confused manner. _

"_Do you feel pain right now?"_

"_Uh…sure I do."_

"_Good."_

_Antonio grabbed Alfred's shirt collar, pulling him up to his feet. "This is payback for assaulting Lovi."_

_Alfred stared at him with wide incredulous eyes. "O…kay? Dude, you're scaring me. You're acting like a total Russian right now."_

_Ignoring Alfred's comment, Antonio let go of Alfred's collar. "Now, we are even. However….don't you ever attack Lovi like that…again."_

"_Um…sure thing, dude."_

"_Yay! Now that's settled, we can be friends now!" Antonio exclaimed brightly before pulling a confused Alfred to his feet. "Come on, the more the merrier!"_

_Elizaveta, Arthur, and Francis merely watched them, wondering what just happened._

Flashback end_._

Arthur scowled. "Now, Al, I don't believe that's the way a commoner like you should address a royal."

Al widened his eyes slightly before staring back at him challengingly. "I'll have you know that I'm a ro-hero, so I have all rights to call what I want to call you guys."

"Why you insolent little…I wonder why Ludwig even let you stay in the castle. If what Antonio said earlier was true, you should have been tossed into jail for what you did to Lovino, no matter how temperamental he is!" Arthur sneered, shoving Alfred off of him. "I assume that it is your own stupidity that saved you from being incarcerated! Ludwig probably saw you as too much of a stupid being to be a fatal threat to others and took pity on you."

"No, it's because I'm a hero!" Al crowed out, thumping his fist onto the table. "So, I WILL speak my mind and sit my arms on your damn head."

For a moment, Arthur recoiled back before glowering at him and opening his mouth to respond before Francis decided to speak up.

"As much as your UST fight is amusing, I believe we have work to do, mes amis." Francis drawled lazily.

The two blonds arguing promptly separated and became quiet.

"HEY! So…uh…who's taking care of things while you're gone?" Elizaveta asked, trying to ease the awkward tension. "Roderich has been taking care of Hungary for me."

"Parliament. Minister." Arthur muttered.

"Minister. Legislature." Francis said with a shrug.

"What, it's not 'Radical Tuesday' today?" Arthur said with a scoff.

"I'll have you know that Paris is merely the heart of French nationalism and revolution!"

"Keep your mixed feelings about your Parisians to yourself, please." Arthur replied with a snort.

"Please, London is the stuffiest city I have ever visited! I can only feel sorry that your little adorable fiancé is going to be stuck there for life!" Francis haughtily retorted. "At least, in Paris, little Alfred could spread his little wings and-"

"Do not, I repeat, do not start letting out a bunch of your cheesy romantic rubbish!" Arthur snarled. "Alfred will be just fine with me."

Al never felt so awkward in his life. Elizaveta, on the other hand had squealed in delight. "Arthur has a _male _fiancé?" Antonio merely blinked his eyes in surprise and asked, "Where was I when Arthur announced he had a betrothed?"

"This daft dumbass changed you into a frog before I could tell you the news." Arthur replied wryly, pointedly ignoring the Hungarian's coos of glee to gesture to Francis. "Since then, Francis has been nothing but trouble. Flirting with my fiancé, Insulting my courting skills-"

"You have as much charm as a rat, mon cher." Francis added sweetly, relishing the withering look the Englishman shot at him. He continued on eagerly. "Oh, Antonio, you should have seen the blond angel. So cute with his beautiful blond hair and curl. He's a sweet one, really. Too bad he had the misfortune of being engaged to a ugly sourpuss like Sourcils. Alfred is quite an exquisite creature of beauty."

"Oh, he sounds a bit like Al with the blond hair and curl, you mentioned…but…my Lovi is better and cuter." Antonio replied, also ignoring a fuming Arthur.

"I still cannot see what you see in that prince, Antonio." Francis sighed, shaking his head. "However, the eyes of love see differently for all so you have my blessing. Speaking of Al, yes, the two do resemble each other. Why," Francis twirled a lock of his hair. "They could be _twins_!"

"Francis, don't be silly. They may look… _frightfully _similar but Alfred is more refined than this…man." Arthur eyed Al in distaste and suspicion, as if trying to convince himself that this brute really had no relation to his quiet little fiancé.

Al coughed harshly, eager to change the subject. "SO, enough about…Alfred and, uh…how's things in…Spain? You're from Spain, right, dude?" he turned to Antonio who nodded cheerfully.

"Oh, my minister is acting as a temporary regent for his country." Francis said with a dismissive hand.

"Ah, gracias, Francis!" Antonio chirped graciously, earning a flirty smile in return.

Silence commenced once more. "…So, can I go find Lovi now?"

"As much as I would like you to sweep cute little Lovi off his feet, I cannot risk you turning back into a frog. I'm sorry, dear." Elizaveta answered, patting Antonio's cheek sympathetically. Then, squeezing it.

The silence came back. Still with no ideas. The Hungarian spoke up once more. "So, anything interesting happened when you and Francis were on your way here?"

Arthur scoffed. "Nothing much. We ran into a couple angry Italians in some taverns who were busy ranting about how much of an ass their ruler was."

"It was both ironic and amusing." Francis snorted. "There were also some fine sweet Italian girls who had a disposition as sweet as Feliciano's."

"It amazed me of how it was like almost every dweller in Lovino's kingdom shared some sort of characteristic to him, like his temper or cursing problem." Arthur continued absent mindedly. "There were also some people who acted a bit like Feliciano in a way as well. It was almost like Italy is just represented by the rulers. You'd think Italy would be full of Lovinos and Felicianos. Now, in England, you don't see that."

Francis snickered and turned to him. "Now, look here, every Englishman is just as stuffy or unfashionable as you. I pity the women and men in your country. You might as well represent all of your country. You're a representation of all the worst things about England. Must be an English thing."

The Englishman stuck his tongue out at the Frenchman. "Well, at least, in my country, we do not have any grabby and hairy prostitutes wandering around in the cities."

Francis looked mildly offended. "You're just jealous that your cities have the ugliest prostitutes in the world. Like I said before, only in England do you see girls with horrible teeth!"

No one was really expecting much when Arthur reached out to strangle the French king.

"Only in England…" Elizaveta murmured to herself in thought before widening her eyes at a sudden epiphany. "I've got it! Since it's impossible to break a spell by sheer force…what if…we change the spell's conditions by finding a loophole in the spell's barrier and force it open long enough to cast another type of spell? Replace Antonio's spell!"

The four others turned their heads towards her in response.

"Why would we want to try breaking Antonio's spell only to replace it with another one?" Francis inquired with a frown, trying to pry off Arthur's now lax fingers on his throat. "That's redundant."

"We're not breaking it, though." The Hungarian smiled.

"What?"

"…That might work." Arthur said slowly, ignoring Francis's confusion. "If we cannot break the spell…we just need to try replacing it with another spell of equal level whose conditions are more convenient in Antonio's case."

"I don't get it." Antonio and Al said simultaneously.

"I'm saying that we should try to replace this angry German spell with one of Arthur's more calming English ones. It's still a spell, yes but…his country's magic is more tranquil and easier to control," Elizaveta explained while Arthur puffed his chest out with pride. "We can try replacing Antonio's whole 'if your true love hates you, you turn back into a frog' spell with an English version of it."

"I don't think it's a very good idea to replace this spell with an…._English one_, mon cher. " Francis grimaced in distaste as Antonio's face paled.

"But, English magic, as far as I'm concerned, are very aged and long lasting spells. It has more to do with time, more than strong and turbulent emotions like this German one. While the conditions of this spell, making Lovino accept his love for Antonio, are the same, Antonio will no longer be prone to turning into a frog every time Lovino insults him." Elizaveta explained. "Plus, there's no attacking spell recoil either."

"That's what jinxes are for." Arthur added, picking up on Elizaveta's suggestion quickly. "My spell makes Antonio change into a frog every time the clock strikes midnight until dawn. It doesn't break Antonio's spell but at least, Antonio will not turn into a frog every time he tries to…woo Lovino. German spells are known to have some crack in their barriers since they're basically angry, turbulent, and uncontrolled magic. It should be easy to find one…"

"But, dude, you get burned every time you try touching or attacking the spell barrier." Al pointed out.

Arthur bit his lip in frustration. He needed a magic buffer to sedate the spell barrier long enough for him to find the loophole. Elizaveta rubbed her chin thoughtfully before widening her eyes. However, she suddenly grimaced and shook her head.

"What are you thinking, mon cher?" Francis asked Elizaveta.

"I think…I know what…or who could be the perfect spell buffer."

"You mean, like a scapegoat?"

"No," Elizaveta shook her head. "I mean, he is a natural repellant for magic. He can suppress any magic that he touches."

"Why…why, that's wonderful! We should try to see if we could contact him in some-" Arthur spoke.

"No." Elizaveta deadpanned.

"Why?"

"I hate his guts."

Francis and Arthur looked at each other. "…It's Gilbert, isn't it?"

At the mention of his name, Elizaveta scowled and crossed her arms, tapping her foot impatiently as she muttered to herself. "Just because he descended from the Grimms, he thinks he's the shit…"

"I was unaware that he had that ability. So…how exactly are we going to summon him if he's naturally guarded against magic?" Arthur asked.

The Hungarian furrowed her brow in thought for a moment before turning to him reluctantly, muttering something about "Antonio, Lovino, hot gay fairytale sex." "You wouldn't manage to have any magic chalk on you, do you?"

"I do have a small piece of it in case of emergency." Arthur answered, kneeling down to take a white piece of stone from the inside of his boot.

"Good. Because while Gilbert might be able to repel the magic," Elizaveta replied in thought before slowly smirking. "…his precious 'Gilbird' can't. Summon the bird. Knowing Gilbert, he'll find some unimaginable way to track him down. Besides, I heard he's been hiding around this area."

"Alright, then." Arthur kneeled down again to draw an incantation circle on the ground. "Have you a knife on you, by any chance?"

"Ah, here you go." With a wave of her hand, the witch let a knife materialize in a hand and handed it to the Englishman who accepted it gratefully.

"The Bad Touch Trio is back together again!" Antonio cried out happily, embracing Francis who returned the gesture wholeheartedly.

"The more chaotic this whole ordeal gets, the more I feel relieved that Alfred is not here to witness this." Arthur sighed as he started to etch a circle into the floor, missing the way Al flinched at the name. "Because this is getting ridiculous. Elizaveta…why are you.."

"He has something of Roderich's and if Antonio and Lovino are to ever have _hot sweaty_- I mean, fall in love, I'm afraid we need him." Elizaveta answered with a sigh.

"…what's a Bad Touch Trio?" Al asked himself. He had not the faintest of clues of what was going on. He muttered to himself. "Huh…I wonder what Mattie would do in a situation like this…"

0.o.0.o.0.

Somewhere in England, "Mattie" sneezed.

"_Who are you?" _asked the bear in his arms.

"…I'm Matthew." He answered wearily, safely tucked away in a tower in Arthur's castle and unaware of the chaos happening at the moment in Europe.

0.o.0.o.0.

Lovino huffed angrily as Feliciano babbled nonsense and rocked him in his arms on a bench in the tomato garden. The spell finally wore off but this nauseating potato smell was left in its aftermath. "Can you fucking let go of me now?"

Lovino was not happy.

"Ve….do you promise not to 'claw out that Hungarian bitch's throat' if I do, fratello?" Feliciano asked, not budging one inch..

The older twin let out an aggravated sigh. "Yes, dammit."

"Okay, then!" Feliciano said happily before letting go. "Ve~ I wonder what the others are doing to Big Brother Toni."

"Hopefully, something that involves pain." Lovino snorted, crossing his arms before giving what he said a second thought. "Nothing with tomatoes, I hope."

"Lovi?"

"What?"

"…do you really hate Toni?"

Lovino hesitated for a moment. 'Hate' was too much of a strong word. Antonio was too much of a nice guy to hate. The prince doubted anyone could hate Antonio. Unfortunately, much to his changrin, he was not an exception to that fact. However, like hell, if he would let anyone know that. "Duh. He's a tomato bastard."

Feliciano studied him for a moment before an excited smile blossomed on his face and he glomped his brother. "Oh, Lovi, we should have a double date some time!"

Lovino spluttered expletives and shoved Feliciano off with a red face. "Wha…what the fuck are you on?"

"Me and Luddy, you and Big Brother Toni! We should have a picnic out in your countryside with pasta~!"

The Southern Italian twitched his eye, unnerved by the mental image. He paled when he realized that he could actually _see _himself with the potato bastard, Antonio, and Feli in a meadow, eating pasta. _Laughing…having fun._

Holy shiyet. Was his…brother actually influencing him?

...

Lovino could have sworn he could distantly hear voices singing Roderich's "Sound of Music."

Oh _gods_ no.

It was settled. Feliciano's dumbass-ness was contagious and rubbing off on him, swaying him to the _dark side. _The side that was _too fucking happy and sparkly for his taste_.

This revelation was almost as disturbing as that rainbow pony the Lord(Lady?) of Poland sent him as a coronation gift. _"Is it not, like, the cutest thing you ever saw? By the way, it also poops out butterflies too! And it feeds on dead ugly human flesh! It's totally environmental-friendly, yeah?"_

Lovino had the pony sent to Russia the very next day. For the best.

"…With flowers, and the pasta! Oh, we should have a wedding party there too! I remember Mister Roderich took me to this really beautiful pasture when I was little! Oh, won't that be wonderful, fratello?" Feliciano chirped enthusiastically.

Snapping out from his mental train of thought and shaking off that disturbing revelation for now, Lovino scowled, cursing how hot his ears felt. "I'm not going to be marrying that bastard, I hope you know."

"But…but it will be cute!" Feliciano cried out.

"Feliciano, your definition of 'cute' involves you prancing around in that disturbing green dress Elizaveta got you last summer. As far as I'm concerned, only a dumbass like you thinks that's cute." Lovino shuddered at the mental image. So…many…frills and lace…

"Ve….it makes me look pretty!"

"I still can't fucking believe that you wore that on your coronation day. I'm not sure what's more disturbing. The fact that you allowed yourself to be seen in public like that? Or the fact that _none _of your people seem to mind?"

"You should wear that pink dress that Elizaveta gave you! We could be twins~" Feliciano replied cheerily, ignoring Lovino's comment.

"Are you fucking listening to me?"

"I bet Toni would love you more if you wore that!" The Northern Italian went on, tapping his chin thoughtfully. "I know Luddy does!" He added, making the German next to him cough sheepishly.

_Oh, que bonito, mi querido! You look so adorable with your-_

Oh gods, no.

Lovino quickly looked away in embarrassment. "Love is too true strong a word."

'But it's true! You love him too!" Feliciano replied cheerfully with a happy smile, seemingly unaware of his brother's discomfort.

"L-love! Feliciano, stop saying such shit." Lovino stuttered out, cursing of how red his face was becoming.

"Sure you do! Every time when you're around him, your face goes super red and you start stuttering a lot!" Feliciano answered happily before giggling. He stopped abruptly after Lovino grabbed his throat and started to smack their heads together.

"I." Smack. "Don't." Smack. "Love." Smack. "Him." Lovino gritted out, ignoring his brother's pained cries. To Lovino, it was kinda true because you know, who marries someone you only met, like, a week ago? Sure Antonio was….a-attractive…and nice…and had a nice laugh…and k-knew what to say to make him feel all warm inside…and was endearingly ignorant of most things…and-

Hormones.

He was so sexually repressed that his mind was telling him to look at every possible shag-able living creature on this earth in an attractive way. Even the tomato bastards. He just…just needed to get Antonio out of his house and his sexually repressed hormone levels will go back to being virtually nonexistent…..yeah.

Feliciano's bottom lip trembled as his older brother shoved him backwards. "Do you, at least, like him?"

Lovino glared at him and crossed his arms in a sulking position. "…Hell no. I would never kiss him in a million years."

His brother stared at him for a brief moment, studying his facial expression before shaking his head. It was obvious that the Northern Italian did not believe his brother.

"Oh, the irony of that statement." Ludwig muttered sardonically, next to Feliciano.

"Oi, you got something to say, you potato bastard!" Lovino snarled, making Ludwig look up and pale as he realized he said his thought aloud.

"Vee, fratello, calm down."

Ignoring Feliciano's distressed urges, Lovino glowered at Ludwig hatefully. "One day…one day, I am going to murder you in your sleep…and you won't see it coming."

"Right, of course." Ludwig sighed. How CAN someone see murder coming when they're asleep?

"Hey, I'm being fucking serious here! If you dare even hurt one hair on my brother's head, I'm gonna jam this foot so far up your ugly ass that, you're going to taste the leather!"

Here we go again….Ludwig massaged his temples wearily with a sigh. He supposed that he only had himself to blame for carelessly letting his mouth speak before his mind. He mentally braced himself for another idiotic foul rant that demonstrated Lovino's extensive swear vocabulary and poor knowledge in biology. "I'm not sure how many times I said this-"

"Why are you sighing, bitch! Are you frustrated? Frustrated over the fact that I just psychologically cockblocked you? Serves you right. Feliciano get by life just fine without having your ugly ass fat potato dick shoved up his ass!"

Feliciano blushed and raised a hand bashfully. "Actually, fratello, I don't mind-"

"Shut up, Feli." The angry Italian yelled out, flipping the bird at Ludwig in a proud and ostentatious manner. "My brother may like prancing around in gayass dresses like the homosexual idiot he is but…if I see you look or rub him the wrong way, you're a dead man."

"Duly noted." The German replied languidly, sarcastically asking himself just where, _oh where, _has he heard a threat like that before.

Lovino narrowed his eyes. The bastard was mocking him in his disgusting potato muscle glory! With his brother complex issues arising once more, Lovino opened his mouth to let out some foul curse.

Suddenly, there was a faint rustling in the bushes, making the trio turn their heads towards it. Lovino grumbled in an irritated manner. "What, is there _another _assassin in the bushes now? If it is, I suggest you get the fuck off my property right now."

The rustling stopped for a moment. Then, abruptly, a man burst through the bushes. An angry and distressed man.

"VERDAMMT! GILBIRD IS GONE! I'M GONNA KILL THAT BITCH!"

In response, Lovino and Feliciano clutched each other and screamed in fright. Ludwig stood up, relaxing the grip on his weapon. "…Bruder?"

Before the man could answer, Lovino let out a desperate scream. "WHAT THE FUCK IS IT WITH POTENTIAL MURDERERS POPPING OUT OF MY FUCKING TOMATO GARDEN?"

0.o.0.o.0.

"So…exactly how long will it take before Gilbert arrives? It's been about ten minutes already." Arthur asked, scrubbing away at the chalk marks on the ground. Elizaveta shrugged her shoulders. Antonio and Francis was busy amusing themselves with the bird.

"Oh…I don't know. Five minutes? Gilbert is probably pissed as hell right now." The Hungarian answered calmly. "One of the most annoying and amazing things about Gilbert is that he has this uncanny ability to run _very, very _fast when motivated. I claim full credit for that, though." She twirled her frying pan.

"So…are you the reason why Gilbert is unnaturally wary of anything that resembles a kitchen utensil?" The French king asked with a raised eyebrow.

The witch puffed her chest out with disturbingly unadulterated pride. "Yeup! I found that kidnapping Gilbird is the easiest way to locate him since my pan can't do anything to find him."

"Is Gilbird Gilbert's summon or familiar of some sort?" Arthur asked, dusting off his hands as he got up.

"You could say that. They have this whole familiar soul link crap going on, I don't really understand it." Elizaveta answered absent mindedly before perking her ears up at the faint sound of angry German swearing. She smirked and cracked her knuckles before clearing her throat and letting out a loud and exaggerated voice. "OH MY GOSH! WHY, WHERE DID THIS CUTE LITTLE BIRDIE POP UP? OOH, HE LOOKS LIKE A TASTY MORSEL FOR A HUNGRY WITCH LIKE ME TO EAT! TOO BAD HE DOESN'T HAVE SOME OBNOXIOUS BASTARD OWNER TO PROTECT HIM FROM A BIG BAD WITCH LIKE ME!"

The other four stared at her speechlessly. Arthur was the first to speak. "…so what does that do?"

The Hungarian ignored him and grabbed a tomato from the table; her brow furrowed in thought as she stared at the dining room door for a couple of moments. She tossed it a couple times in her hand and inspected it casually before letting out a deep breath. "…in three, two, one, and-"

"DAMN IT, YOU CRAZY BITCH! THE-MMPH!" The doors flew open to reveal an angry white haired man who Elizaveta all too happily greeted with a nicely aimed tomato.

"Nice to see you too, darling." Elizaveta replied wryly, patting herself on the back for her aim.

Gilbert, the "awesometastic" magic suppressor, was here, pissed and drenched with tomato juice.

/

AN AWESOME GILBERT HAS APPEARED! Originally, I was planning to have some Spamano interaction with Prussia only being a dominant mention and appearing next chapter but...somehow, he appeared a lot sooner than I expected and ended up taking away Spain and Romano's spotlight. D: Damn it, Prussia.

Anyway, I'd like to thank the following people for the reviews: _AmayahAki, rainbow world, Rei-Chama _(And in the midst of the PruCan love, Franada still manages to get by. While I'm flattered by your proposal, I'm already married.), _Bookworm24601, Lovino Vargas, Lumoa, Mocha MintCocoa, KichiMiangra, ilovecookies _(Thank you, making you laugh is my job! :D), _Crazy4animeCouples, Mungetsu, Catsdon'tcry, amerique, _ANDDDD _Unknown Variable_.

Especially the people who took the time to reply to my replies: _Lovino Vargas, Bookworm24601, Catsdon'tcry, and Mocha MintCocoa._

Muchos besos y abrazos a Uds!

**Question: **How often does Poland force Lithuania to watch "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic" everyday? AANNNND Does anyone know where did the term, "Bad Touch Trio" come from?

**REVIEW, POR FAVOR!**


	8. Chapter 8

I apologize for my absence. I had writers' block…and some technical issues with my netbook. Hopefully, you will find it in your hearts to forgive me. I find it funny that nobody really seems to know where exactly BTT name came from.

Warning: Fluffy fluff fluff abound at one point.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or Pride and Prejudice.

\/

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a (relatively attractive) male in possession of a working dick must be in want of a male companion. As so eloquently put by the Hungarian witch.

Well, Elizaveta never read _Pride and Prejudice _but hey, it works. Despite some protest from a certain Englishman.

Anyway, there were only a few people who were able to fearlessly stand up against her wrath.

Lovino used to be one of the brave (read: dumbass) souls who would curse and insult her recklessly without much of a care.

Then, over time, he got smarter.

The end.

Unfortunately, the same could not be said about Gilbert, the removed heir to the German throne after the European world meeting a couples years back had a unanimous vote that it was for the best that royal duty would be passed on to his more responsible little brother.

Gilbert was not happy that day. Neither was his father who encouraged his son's pursuits of "vital regions" wholeheartedly, recognizing him as a great military strategist.

Going back on topic, Gilbert was supposed to be a genius.

In a few aspects that included the following: pranks, guns, swords, or any weapon for that matter, war, chess, beer (licensed connoisseur, bitches), the word, "awesome," Gilbird, and the history of Prussian and German pride.

However, his genius-ness was outweighed by how reckless and stupid he was. Such as, stealing Elizaveta's hubby's underpants (cuz it's funny to see "Specs" get all worked up.) and antagonizing the aggressive Hungarian.

"Why did you take Gilbird, you bitch? And what are you doing here?" Gilbert yelled out, stomping over to Elizaveta. "Give him back right now!"

Elizaveta narrowed her eyes and tapped a frying pan against her hand menacingly. "I find it extraordinarily rude for you to just automatically assume that I took your stupid bird, considering I _don't even have the power to summon someone at my will_."

Gilbert scoffed and crossed his arms. He was unconvinced. "Right cuz who else would be a bitch and take Gilbird away…"

"Arthur summoned Gilbird here for me-"

"Oh, so it WAS you!"

"Shut up! And where the hell are Roddy's underpants?"

"Pshh, the awesome me doesn't have to tell you! Bite me, man-woman!"

"Gil…you have exactly ten seconds to tell me before I shove this frying pan up your ass."

"Kesesese, if you want to know, they are clamped tightly around my awesome ass-"

"Oh no, you _didn't_!"

"Haha, yes, the awesome me-Oh fucking, nails, NAILS! Lizzy, your nails! Damn it, I was kidding!"

And it started. The two started to bicker like an old married couple. Francis and Antonio watched yet _another _fight unfold between them with resigned sighs.

"So, Antonio, what's the tally this time?" Francis asked to the Spaniard.

Antonio shook his head as Gilbird nibbled on his fingers. "I believe it was a tie….1456 to 1456 the last time it happened. Although, by the looks of it, I think Elizaveta is going to break that tie. La chica está muy enojada."

Francis made an exasperated noise. "When is Elizaveta _not _angry at something our Gilbert does?"

"Ah, sí. It can't be helped." The Spaniard murmured with an amused smile.

Arthur stared at the scene unfolding in front of him with Ludwig, Feliciano, Al, and Lovino before turning to said four people. "…so, does any of you four fine gentleman besides me feel this unnaturally strong wave of idiocy washing over you after realizing that we just mistakenly summoned someone who Elizaveta had a murderous score to settle against?"

"Uh, actually, that was all you, dude." Al pointed out helpfully.

Ignoring Arthur's pointed glare and muttering of an "insolent sunny-haired bastard," Ludwig cleared his throat awkwardly and approached his brother before grabbing him and separating him away from the other's screeching clutches. Seeing Elizaveta's murderous intent to really claw his throat with her bare hands, Gilbert quickly reached into his coat to pull out a pair of trousers and threw it in Elizaveta's face like how one might throw a stick in a rabid dog's direction.

"Not that I'm not happy to see you or anything, bruder, but what exactly are you doing in South Italy?" Ludwig asked with blue eyes blinking in confusion.

"A-ah, hey, West. Well, I just heard you were spending time here so I just thought…uh…what kind of big brother would I be if I did not offer my congratulations to your engagement?" Gilbert answered, laughing sheepishly. The albino rubbed his neck sheepishly at his brother's skeptical look.

"LIAR!" Elizaveta yelled out.

Ludwig sighed tiredly and knew his brother was lying. "…Gilbert, I have been engaged to Feliciano since a couple months ago."

"O-oh, uh….The awesome me just wanted to renew my congratulations!"

"Bruder…."

"Really, I just-" Gilbert stopped short after Ludwig threw him a warning look. The albino grumbled irritably as his shoulders sank in defeat. "I'm here cuz Elizaveta wouldn't suspect I was here."

And all the pieces fell into place.

Ludwig just stared at him in response before shaking his head as he understood his brother's situation. The blond merely frowned and let out a disappointed exhalation.

"But it was also to see you, West! Brother bonding time, yeah?" Gilbert tried to mend his brother's insulted feelings frantically.

Elizaveta let out an irritated noise and put her hands on her hips. "I suppose you in South Italy was quite unlikely in my list of places for a manhunt….well played…you bastard…well played."

Gilbert shamelessly beamed at her in a smug fashion. The only reason why he was in South Italy was that this country was the last place Elizaveta expected him to be (seriously, why would someone as awesome as he hang around someone as bitchy and unawesome as Lovino?). But…how the hell Elizaveta gotten wind that he was here? More importantly, why were his buddies here?

"So…how do you know I was here?"

"This was the last place to look."

"Really…." Gilbert shot her a questioning look.

"No, Vash gave me the lead after he said that he spotted you on one of your drunken beer streaking escapades on his property. He is still pretty pissed about that. Said that you were hollering about escaping to South Italy to get away from the 'murderous bitch.'"

"Ah…." Gilbert added a mental note next time to make sure not to stay in one place forever when on the run. Damn…"So…uh…judging how my awesome face isn't totally mutilated by your nails by now…you're not here to punish me for stealing your 'darling Roddy's lucky Silesia underpants?'"

The Hungarian bit her lip and clenched her fists before shaking her head. "_Unfortunately…" _Slightly shrinking under her withering glare, Gilbert turned away from her and immediately brightened when he saw Gilbird perched on Antonio's hand. "Gilbird! You're alive!"

The yellow creature flew from the Spaniard to its owner eagerly, soaking up Gilbert's baby talk towards it. After a few moments of cooing over his apparently safe chick, Gilbert turned to the rest of the group who stared at his uncharacteristic display of affection for the small animal. "So, uh…why did you call me here?"

"It's for me!" Antonio spoke up cheerfully. He walked up to Gilbert and hugged him warmly. "Oh, mi amigo, it's been two weeks since I last saw you…alive!"

Gilbert chuckled and nodded. "I suppose, Antonio. So, what do you mean…oh." His easy smile became one of confusion as he slowly felt the magic surrounding Antonio's body seep into his own.

"What the…" Gilbert gently pushed his friend back and patted him down. His fingers could touch the magic radiating around Antonio. The magic felt familiar and Gilbert immediately knew what it was. "Since when were you hit by a German spell?"

Francis spoke up. "That is the reason why we need you here. You see, our dear friend, Antonio, has been unfortunately hit with a-"

"It was your bloody fault!" Arthur yelled out.

"Quiet, Sourcils. Anyway, Antonio has been hit with a curse that transforms into a frog-"

"The Grimms' Frog Prince curse." Gilbert finished, rubbing his chin in thought. "Well, this is a pretty high level one. But, you have Lizzy and Eyebrows here, shouldn't you know how to break this curse?"

Arthur scowled. "Of course, we know how to break it."

"Then, why the hell is the awesome me wasting his time here?"

"We want to break it by force, or at least, hold the spell barriers long enough to ease Antonio's suffering."

The Prussian laughed. "What's the need for that? All you need to do is find Antonio's soulmate and get him or her to fall in love with him. Everyone likes Antonio! Just get Lizzy to use her magical mirror to find the guy or girl for you! No one can reject Antonio."

The Spaniard's face became crestfallen. Gilbert, noticing his friend's depressed expression, immediately frowned. "What's wrong, Toni? Didn't find him or her yet?"

"No, it isn't that…" Antonio's green eyes dimmed as his shoulders slumped. "It's just that…"

"We already found Antonio's soulmate, Gilbert." Francis said gravely, wrapping his arms around a depressed Antonio.

"Eh, then what's wrong? Just flip on your Spanish charm or something. Nobody can resist-"

"It's Lovino."

Lovino who was busy trying to extract himself from his brother's fingers promptly choked on his own spit and blushed. "S-Shut up, you French bastard!"

"…and maybe, shake that nice Spanish ass of his to the uh..tango or salsa or something? Really, have you seen his ass? It has my awesome approval-wait, what?" Gilbert snapped out of his thoughts and turned abruptly to Antonio who only nodded sadly.

"It's been proven and it unfortunately is." Francis answered with a mock sigh of tragedy. "Our poor Antonio is destined to love and deal with the abuse of Lovino. How tragic…"

"Por qué Lovinito no quiere a yo?"

"_The _Lovino Vargas of South Italy?"

"I'm right fucking here, you know!"

Francis and Antonio nodded in response, deaf to Lovino's outburst.

The albino blinked his crimson eyes before snickering and bursting out in laughter. His eyes watered a bit. He pointed a finger at Lovino whose face burned brightly and indignantly. "Really? Are you serious? I feel pretty sorry for you, Toni! Kesesese, oh Antonio, have fun trying to seduce _that _piece of work! This is going to be really interesting!"

"Gilbert…" Francis said warningly, noticing Antonio's eyes widening at his friend's words.

However, the white-haired man went on. "I mean, this is like one of those disgusting romance novels that Lizzy used to force feed down my throat when we were kids! The nice hot guy gets paired with the bitch who hates him! Seriously, this is like some cruel twist of fate of some sorts. I'll make sure to pray for you, Antonio."

"SHUT UP!" Lovino screamed out finally, ripping himself off of Feliciano and pushing him away. His face was red. Everyone, including Gilbert, fell silent and looked at him. The prince bit his lip and twisted his shirt irritably, mustering the angriest expression he could put on. "Antonio...that tomato bastard…he doesn't have to like me if he doesn't want to. You guys are already going to fix the curse without me, right? I mean, since Elizaveta and Arthur, and now that other potato bastard is here, I'm not needed. Antonio doesn't have to like me because…because he doesn't like me anyway. If Antonio is forcing himself to like me, well, HE SHOULD JUST FUCKING STOP! BECAUSE I COULDN'T CARE FUCKING LESS! JUST FUCK IT ALL!"

With that outburst, Lovino promptly turned his heel and ran out of the room, ignoring Feliciano's pleas for him to come back.

"Lovino!" Antonio called out urgently, pushing away Francis and running after the Italian.

After Antonio disappeared out of the room, Francis sent a reprimanding look at Gilbert, slapping his arm. "Way to go, mon ami. You have just insulted l'amour of Antonio."

Wincing, Gilbert rubbed his arm and blinked in confusion. "Wait….Antonio actually _likes _him?"

Elizaveta sighed and massaged her temple, walking over to Ludwig with disapproval. She grasped his shoulder and shook her head. "I wondered how you were able to turn out so decently with a role model like him."

Ludwig nodded his head silently in response.

"Vee….will Lovi be okay?" Feliciano asked worriedly. "I think I should go after him…"

Elizaveta waved her hand dismissively. "Oh no, don't. If we're lucky, Antonio will comfort Lovino _in his own special way_."

"Vee?"

"ANYWAY," Arthur spoke up, determined to relieve the tension. "We cannot do anything without Antonio so, maybe, we should go fetch-"

"That will not be necessary, Arthur." Elizaveta replied smoothly with a mischievous glint in her eyes. She chuckled darkly.

No one on the room dared to ask what was going through the witch's mind.

"You Europeans are so freaking weird." Al finally commented.

"Speaking of which, who's that?" Gilbert asked curiously, pointing a finger at the Al.

Al barely refrained himself from laughing at the irony.

0.o.0.o.0.

It wasn't hard for Antonio to locate the clearly distraught prince in the tomato garden.

If Lovino's loud ranting for the death of the "whole damn world" was anything to go by.

The Spanish king found the prince kicking a bunch of picking baskets and clutching his fists angrily.

"Damn it…I don't need anyone to like me! Fuck them all! Just…" Lovino concentrated his anger into kicking a basket into a tomato bush. His eyes furrowed angrily, not noticing Antonio behind him.

"I'm not stupid! I'm not anyone's bitch! Ugh, if they want to like someone, like Feliciano!" Lovino bent over (Antonio was too concerned about Lovino to admire) and picked up a tomato. The prince inspected it for a moment before raising it over his head, preparing to throw it on the ground when suddenly, Antonio came up behind him and took the tomato and Lovino's wrist.

"Wha…what the, what the fuck are you doing here?" Lovino growled out, trying to rip his wrist out of Antonio's grip. When that didn't work, the prince aggressively threw his head backwards, colliding with Antonio's jaw painfully. The Spaniard let go, allowing the other to scramble away. Antonio quickly caught up with him and grabbed his middle. Ignoring Lovino's screeching and incoherent protesting ("PUT ME THE FUCK DOWN! WHAT THE HELL DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?") and flailing limbs, Antonio dragged him over to a nearby bench.

"Siéntate, Lovi. Sit with me We should talk…" Antonio requested quietly as he sat down, pulling Lovino down into his lap (and ignoring how good the gesture felt.).

The Italian glared at him and crossed his arms before getting off of Antonio's lap and sitting next to him.

"Why the fuck are you here?" Lovino gritted out quietly, his amber eyes refusing to make eye contact with the Spaniard.

"Because you were upset and that makes me upset." Antonio answered simply, unfazed by Lovino's treatment.

The Italian widened his eyes in surprise before he scoffed in an uncaring manner. He snapped his head towards him. "You should stop kicking yourself and pretending that you're in love with me. It makes me fucking sick."

The other frowned at that statement. That statement was far from true. "But I truly do like you, though."

"In a barely tolerable manner? I bet you're cursing the heavens above for lumping you with me." Lovino sneered, ignoring Antonio's concerned look. "You should just leave me the fuck alone."

The Spaniard widened his green eyes before clearing his throat. "I do not feel like I am cursed. I feel blessed. I feel blessed to meet someone as wonderful as you. I was never repulsed by you."

"I'm giving you the opportunity to leave me the hell alone right now with no 'guilt' strings attached. Take it, you moron." Lovino muttered in a resigned manner.

"But I have no intention of leaving you. I truly do want to be with you. Why do you not believe me?"

"Lies…You're trying to convince me that you love me so I would fall in love with you too and break your stupid curse." Lovino snarled defensively, trying once more to rip his wrist out of Antonio's grip.

Antonio was silent for a moment before speaking up again. He needed to try to get past Lovino's instinctive defense barriers. "I don't have any reason to lie to you. Yes, I do want to break my curse but…to play with the feelings of a person, that is despicable."

"You don't even have a reason to like me." Lovino muttered sourly.

"Lovi, I have-"

"And stop calling me that stupid nickname!"

Antonio's eyes searched over Lovino's angry face. He sighed to himself, seeing just how insecure Lovino was about himself. How should he talk to him…

The Spaniard picked up the tomato he had grabbed from Lovino earlier and tossed it in the air casually. He then started to speak in a laidback and gentle manner. "…Lovi, to me, you remind me of my favorite food, a tomato."

Scowling at the accursed nickname, Lovino crossed his arms. "How many guys would like to hear from an admirer that they reminded him or her of food?"

The Spaniard chuckled ruffled his hair, not noticing the shudder that passed through the other's body after he brushed over his curl. He inspected the red color of the tomato. "In my country, red is the color of passion. It is a beautiful color and suiting to a tomato. Your face, when you're flustered or angry, it takes on that beautiful rosy color."

"Wha…what bullshit are you spouting out?"

However, the Spaniard ignored him. "Mi amigo, Gilbert, was right when he called you a piece of work. You are quite the work….you know…When Roderich came to me for help, he referred to you many times as being a 'brat' or a 'handful.' To be honest, I was quite nervous and dreaded the day I was to meet you in person." Antonio replied earnestly, smiling nostalgically. "However, when I met you that day at the pond, I realize just how…how vulnerable you were. Your sorrow appeared to be one of childish and irritable complaining but your crying and your desperation to recover your only memoir of your mother revealed that these were feelings of loneliness. Feliciano told me what happened that day…and I became curious to see how you really are."

The Spaniard sent a soft smile in Lovino's direction, prompting the other to blush profusely and abruptly turn his head to the side. "I was not disappointed. You're insecure about yourself, Lovi. Always afraid of being rejected for not being strong or the best. But, you're wonderful, Lovi. Your spicy and stubborn character makes you an individual. You're not afraid to say what you want to say to other people. You seem so predictable with your facial expressions yet…you end up doing some unexpected things. It is impossible for me to get tired of you. The way your cheeks always seem to puff up when you're flustered or upset also makes you look so cute."

Lovino made a soft choking noise at the back of his throat, overwhelmed at Antonio's praise. "I…I'm not. You…you don't even know me that well."

The king chuckled and set the tomato down, taking both of Lovino's hands. "That is what attracts me, Lovi. I already saw you as an interesting person within the first five minutes I met you. I want to know more about you, Lovino. This spell is both a curse and a blessing. There must be reasons why this spell tied the red string between us. Why it chose you for me. And, quite frankly, Lovino, I already know the first few reasons."

At this point, Lovino was a stuttering mess and desperately trying to suppress the warm feelings churning in his stomach. He shakily took his hands out of Antonio's warm ones. "That's…s-stupid. I don't….I…"

Antonio let out a ringing laugh in response at the other's embarrassed denial. "Call me clichéd but I am confident that I will truly fall in love with you quickly." He turned to the tomato at his side and held it out to Lovino. "I hope I will see more of the real you because like a tomato, I believe you are best in your purest and rawest form, no unnecessary destructive barrier attached."

The other cleared his throat awkwardly, cursing how red his face had become. He was pretty sure his face was burning up all in its fiery glory. In front of Antonio. "Idiot…I like tomatoes in pasta more than in their raw form."

Antonio only patted his shoulder in response. "See? I'm learning more about you even right now. Well, I always did prefer eating tomatoes raw."

With that, he kissed Lovino's blushing forehead and got up from the bench, amused by the other's stuttering at his actions. "Well, the others are waiting. Come on."

Lovino tentatively got up as well and pouted, his eyes burned with stubbornness. "Well, tomato bastard, I…I don't like you so….you better prepare yourself for heartbreak! I'm not interested in seeing anyone right now!" But those words were said without any malice. And Antonio knew it.

The Spaniard merely smiled in response and took a bite of the tomato in his hand. "My intentions are pure, Lovino. Pure enough to eventually change your mind sometime."

"Tch, how arrogant! Keep telling yourself that, you fanciful moron!" Lovino pointedly avoided Antonio's caring gaze, focusing on his rapidly beating heart.

"Lovino, vas a ser mío algún dia." Antonio only replied in a singsong voice. "Tambíen, el facto que no soy una rana en el momento muestra que no me odias." **(A/N: Lovino, you will be mine someday. Also, the fact that I am not a frog at the moment shows that you don't hate me at all.)**

"What the hell are you saying?"

"Nothing~!"

0.o.0.o.0.

Arthur did not like the stare Elizaveta was fixating on him. She had a shit eating grin on her face and quite frankly, it was starting to unnerve him. She was smiling in that creepy way. That way that just said, "I know something's up about you and I will find out~!" The worst part about that expression was the _squiggly _tone at the end. Oh _gods_, the squiggly was never a good sign.

Then, the Hungarian spoke.

"So…fiancé?" Elizaveta said in an innocent manner, prompting Al to stop talking to Feliciano. She noticed this immediately and became suspicious.

"Yes." Arthur answered curtly.

"What's he like?~"

"Quiet." Inside, the king was screaming like a little girl.

"Oh. What's his name?~"

"Prince Alfred F. Jones of the New World." Arthur responded formally, making sure not to spare any physical details to give Elizaveta any ideas. Elizaveta was visibly disappointed at the other's indifference but noticed how Al froze at the name.

"What do you think of him?" She prodded, frowning at Al's suddenly uncomfortable face.

"He carries a polar bear. What am I supposed to think?"

"A…polar bear?" The Hungarian was taken back. Well, that was not very useful information, was it-

"You do not see polar bears much in the New World." Al spoke up in an indignant tone. "Mat-Al has a _Kermode _bear, not a polar bear. He hates it when people mistaken them."

Arthur looked at him in a confused manner before scoffing. "And how are you so familiar with my fiancé?"

Al gave him a thumbs up smugly. "I'm from the New World, I'm supposed to know these things."

Francis, Ludwig, Gilbert, and Feliciano quickly became interested in the conversation that began to unfold.

"You never said that to us before." Ludwig spoke up in suspicion.

"Vee…you just said you came from a very faraway place. Why are you so secretive?" Feliciano asked, cocking his head in confusion.

Al laughed a bit too forcefully and grinned. "Ah, I always wanted to be a spy!"

"I can tell you right now that you are failing at that." Arthur muttered, perusing through another spellbook, _Anthology of Fairy Spells_.

Elizaveta turned to Al. She knew something was up. "Well, can you tell us about yourself, Al?"

Al laid back in his chair uneasily. "Umm…there's nothing much to talk about, really." He looked around. "Hey…did Antonio and Lovino come back yet?"

"Kesesese, what are you hiding from us, blond boy?" Gilbert smirked, nudging Francis who smiled as well, eager to hear Al's response.

"Oh, let him be." Arthur snapped, looking up from his book. "He could be trying to hide his criminal record from us."

Al looked offended in response. "I'm no assassin! I'm a hero!"

"Yes, because it is so heroic of you to tackle me to the ground a few hours ago." The Englishman replied dryly.

"HEY! Dude, let it go! I didn't mean it. And…" Al's blue eyes became filled with slight apprnhension. "How's…how's Alfred?"

Arthur blinked in surprise at the other's sudden request and rolled his eyes uncaringly. "I have no reason to answer that."

"But-"

"No."

'Dude, I-"

"I refuse to acquaint myself with a wanker like you."

After a brief moment of silence, Al suddenly slammed his fists down and pointed at him in an accusing manner. . "…You horrible person! You're abusing him, aren't you?"

Arthur choked on his own spit and promptly stood up. "I am not!"

"Then, why won't you tell me? A guy from the New World has every right to know how his…his ruler is doing!"

"I don't have any need to share that information with a random commoner that Lovino picked off the streets! And stop yelling at me!"

"DUDE, just tell me. Please…" Al looked uncharacteristically pleadingly at the Englishman. "Please tell me that Alfred is doing alright."

Instead of answering his question, Arthur frowned at him, wondering why he was desperate on knowing how his fiancé was doing. Were they…related by any chance? That could have explained the similarities in looks…No, surely, that can't be it, right? "…why do you address Prince Alfred so informally?"

Exasperated, Al got up and slammed his fists into the table again. "Because Mattie's my freaking-Prince Alfred and I were really close friends. Like, really tight knit buddies. He thinks…he thinks I'm dead and umm…" It was at this point that Al started to ramble, trying to cover up his slip-up.

To Al's horror, Arthur and Francis widened their eyes in understanding. Then, Arthur pointed a finger at him. "You were that personal servant that supposedly drowned!"

"Huh? Oh yeah. I sorta fell overboard on the way to England and uh…yeah."

Elizaveta noted Al's too relieved expression. Something was definitely up.

"Vee…Why didn't you tell us the truth then? We could have helped you!" Feliciano spoke up. "Why did you attack Lovino?"

"Yes, why did you?" Ludwig asked, narrowing his eyes again in suspicion. "Are you lying to us?"

"Wha…no!" Al shook his head furiously.

"If you truly are Alfred's personal servant, you must have seen some of the…letter exchanges I had with him?" Arthur asked, determined to see if this man was who he said he was.

"Uh…"

"What did my last letter said, boy?"

Al swallowed the nervous lump in his throat. As he expected it, Arthur shrugged at his silence. "So, you were lying-"

"In your last letter, you said that you hope that my-Alfred's journey would be smooth and to see me-Alfred in one month. You were eager to see Alfred and expressed your wishes that the marriage bring a sense of unity to our countries. You also said that you and your dearly beloved departed mother send…Alfred and his mother your love." Al recited perfectly, remembering how he forced his twin to read it aloud for him since he was too lazy to read it at the time. His glasses flashed challengingly at Arthur who was clearly surprised at his ability to answer.

"Well, I suppose….I can tell you then." Arthur coughed awkwardly. "Prince Alfred is doing just fine."

Al's shoulders visibly sunk in relief as he let a blissful smile blossom on his face. "Thank gods…"

However, the relief was shortlived when he heard Elizaveta speak up. "Hmm…Al, there is quite a problem here. When I told my mirror to show me 'Prince Alfred F. Jones of the New World,' well…"

Al could only stare in horror as he saw his own horrified face staring back at him. In Elizaveta's frying pan.

Shit.

\/

Cue dramatic music. Elizaveta knew there was something and she found it. Hopefully, this chapter provided enough Spamano for you guys. And yes, Spain was meant to be cheesy. Felt the USUK was taking it over way too much. I hope that this chapter also gives some closure to Antonio's feelings for Lovino…though I'm pretty sure he ended up sounding like some chimerical dork in the end though. Well, in my defense, being a dork is Antonio's charm. So, nyeh.

I'd like to thank: _Shadowmask3263, Mungetsu, DX (troll?), Lumoa, Bookworm24601, Ipomoea Alba, TangerineShortcakes, rainbow world, NoWhereToCallHome, Unknown Variable._

**Question: **Who is more tsundere? England or Romano?


	9. Author Note

Urgh…so I know you guys probably are expecting a chapter update buuuttt….

I'm planning to rewrite it. I hate how this story is going and I'm going to rewrite some stuff (like Prussia's entrance, Antonio's ordeal, other major stuff). This story is officially on hiatus till…I really don't know. it's going to be one of those "Oh, hey, there's an update to this story I read about…ten thousand years ago…Imma read it!" moments.

Sorry, guys. :(

Peace,

Nezumi's Cheese

Have this small incomplete Rochu fairytale, instead. Count how many times I say "pretty." I don't mean to offend when Yao refers to the Europeans as "inferior." In history, China in its glory days was seen as the highest ruler with the European kings as his little brothers. Sorta explains the brother complex he has...

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

/

Once upon a time, there was a kingdom with land and snow and...stuff.

Anyway, it was full of pretty people. The prince was pretty. His younger sister was pretty. His older sister was pretty. They were all very pretty. Seriously, they all have pretty silver blonde looking hair with pretty purple eyes. If you saw them, you would say, "By golly, those are some very pretty people."

The younger sister was the prettiest of the three, however.

Her name was Natalia Braginsky and she was the fairest-prettiest of them all. According to the law, she was the princess of this kingdom. According to the other terrified pretty victims-I mean, villagers, she was the queen.

She was a witch and a master at knife throwing. She was a very terrifying pretty woman. Natalia's fatal prettiness intimidated everyone, including her older siblings.

However, she did have one weakness.

Her brother, Ivan.

She loved him to death. Perhaps, more than standard healthy levels. She was desperately in love with her brother and his prettiness and wanted to marry him. Everyday, she would ask him.

"Brother, I want to marry, marry, marry!"

And he would reject her.

"Nyet! I don't want to! Go away!"

Then, one day, she asked him. "Why do you act so coy, my dear brother?"

And he answered. "I cannot marry you."

"Why? Pretty people should marry pretty people. I'm pretty. You're pretty. It is a match made in heaven."

"Umm..."

"_Answer me, brother."_

_"_B-because you're not the prettiest person in the world! I will only marry the person who is the prettiest in all the land!"

Natalia felt taken back. She snarled and vowed before her brother that day, "I will become the prettiest person in the world...for you, my brother!"

Thus, her obsession with her appearance started. After successfully threatening the king of England into forging her a magic mirror, she spoke to it to see her competition. "Mirror, mirror on the wall! Who is the prettiest of them all?"

"My name is Jim."

"TELL ME, Jim! Am I the prettiest of them all?"

"According to recent European polls, most men prefer exotic women...Asian, to be exact. And it's this...chick...man...androgynous Asian." The mirror revealed an Asian man with a ponytail. "Umm, according to reviews who have seen his beauty, he has...ruby red lips, black ebony hair, and...skin white as snow. He's the...prettiest person in the world."

The pretty princess slammed a knife into the wall. "That cannot be! Who is this imposter?"

"Yao Wang, my lady."

"Yao Wang...I shall have this Yao Wang killed so I can finally be the prettiest in all the lands and marry my brother!""

"There is a problem with that plan, my lady. Yao Wang is the emperor of China. Killing him will risk war with China. a move that I would strongly advised against-"

"I MUST RIP HIS HEART OUT TO BE THE PRETTIEST IN ALL THE LAND!"

"...It shall be done, my lady."

0.o.0.o.0

"Stop! Under Her Majesty's name, we've been ordered to kill you! We are to take out your heart and-" Yao merely walked up to the...umpteenth soldier he had seen today and delivered a swift kick to his head. Seriously, what is with all the Russian soldiers trying to ambush and kill him this week? He sent letters but have received nothing back except a bag full of charred ashes and a hand, a leg, and a head from the three messengers he sent. Seriously, did his people do something wrong?

No, it must be a case of European stupidity.

Yes, that must be it.

Flicking his pretty!ebony hair over his shoulder, Yao sighed and walked back to his garden patio where his brother was waiting for him.

"Yao-san, I have received a wedding invitation from Ludwig-san and Feliciano-kun. They are to be wed in the next few months and they have invited us." his brother murmured to him, pushing an artfully (but still inferior since it was European) designed wedding invitation in his direction.

"Hmm...let us accept. You have never seen a European wedding before, haven't you, Kiku?"

"I would enjoy it gladly if you permit me to go."

"Of course, I think we should plan to go-"

"Die, you pretty person!"

Yao swiftly got up from his seat to escape being decapitated by a Russian blad before bringing a swift hand on the soldier's neck to knock him out. The Chinese man bit his lip in frustration and clenched his fists. "That is it! I am tired of all the ambushes this week! They are getting annoying and they are overcrowding the jail cells! I am going to get to the bottom of this mess myself!"

Kiku merely gazed him calmly for a moment. "...Shall I prepare a ride, brother?"

0.o.0.o.0.

Yao was riding calmly through the woods when his horse (a very useful European creature) was suddenly shot beneath the legs. His bodyguards were attacked as they tried to protect their emperor. The Russians that came popping out of the snow quickly made short work of them.

"Kill the pretty person!" they yelled, killing Yao's guards.

Meanwhile, Yao limped for cover to the woods. After falling from his horse, he found out that his ankle was broken and now was desperate enough to get away from the stupid Russians attacking him.

He muttered every foul curse he knew under his breath as his ankle cried out in pain. He needed to get to a safe place so he could treat it. Suddenly, two hands grasped both of his arms. Yao's eyes followed the hands to see three men looking at him.

"We must hurry, traveler. Russian soldiers are undeniably ruthless and we would hate to see an innocent like you suffer from them." said one man with short chestnut hair. He pulled the Chinese man up.

"L-let's hurry...Eduard." a small blond-the size of a dwarf-urged to another blond with glasses.

"Come on, we'll help you."

With that, the three men helped Yao into the woods and away from the Russians. They led him to their village.

0.o.0.o.0.

"You can stay with us for awhile, Mr..."

"Yao. You may call me Yao. You all have my everlasting gratitude for what you did for me."

"Are...a-are you sure that...that Ivan won't..."

The chestnut man trembled at the sound of the name. "Quiet, Raivis. The devil can be anywhere."

"So, do you have any idea why everyone is trying to murder me?"

"You from China?"

"Yes...?"

"Eduard. Our queen ordered for a military conscription for the mission to kill 'the most prettiest person in the land.' And, uh, by the looks of it. Congratulations, you have successfully invoked the wrath of our queen with your prettiness."

"...Lovely."

0.o.0.o.0.

"Mirror, mirror on the wall! Who is the prettiest of them all?"

"Still that Asian she-male."

Natalia threw another knife at the emperor's picture. She was prepared to throw her next knife when someone knocked on her door.

"Dear sister, will you come out? It's dinner time."

The pretty princess opened her door to see her older sister...and her beloved pretty brother hiding behind her skirts.

"I am sorry, sister. I am in the midst of planning out this imposter's death." Natalia gestured to the torn painting of Yao on her wall. The mirror conjured a picture of the emperor of better clarity.

"O-oh, I am so sorry to interrupt you..."

Ivan was enchanted by the picture. "He is so pretty..."

Natalia let out a yell of indignation. "But I'm prettier! He doesn't deserve you, brother!"

"If you fail in killing him, can I keep him?"

"I WILL NOT FAIL."

/

Hope you enjoyed your incomplete failry-tale oneshot. And hopefully, I'll see you all soon! Review!


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